Taking A Trip To St. Louis This Week

I've mentioned this man, Easy, in recent blog posts. I think I may have mentioned the basics, but in case, here they are again. I met him at a wedding for this girl I grew up with at church. We hit it off at the reception and started hanging out a lot. He seemed like a fun guy, and we always had so much fun together. Somewhere along the line it hits me that I'm really kind of into him. Into him enough where I don't want anyone else. Not even PT, The man I've been stressing over for the last 10 months. Yes, this guy I'd known for 6 weeks, pushed aside one I'd known for almost a year. What can I say, it happens. I've been so frustrated with PT, I had basically decided I was giving him til Halloween or until I found someone I liked better before officially moving on. And as soon as I get my Disney Princess DVDs back, that's exactly what I'll do.

Just as I'm realizing I'm into him and I'll probably stop seeing other people cause I'm just not that into them, he announces that this other woman he was dating expressed an interest in them being exclusive. He said he didn't know what he was going to do, but he didn't want to lose me as a friend, no matter what happened. I expressed how that wasn't really an option. He decided to take some space (from me and her, oh and his ex-girlfriend he'd only been broken up with for four months after five years of togetherness) to figure out exactly what he wanted. That didn't go so well. He still ended up calling me the very next day and we continued to hang out as if nothing had changed. Then he was having trouble finding work for this coming school year (he's a music teacher), but had a possible job opportunity in St. Louis. He ended up getting the job, but didn't find out until about 10 days before school started and 2 days before he was going on a week-long vacation.

Right before he left to move to St. Louis, he expressed a desire for space to "settle into his new life". That sucked especially hard because I had decided during the course of his week-long awayness on vacation that I didn't care that he was moving away. I was going to forgo my immediate aversion to long-distance anythings and be a rebel and we would make our own rules because I still wanted him in my life. But, just like before it didn't go so well. I ended up talking to him four times this first week of school, which was last week. Then I called Easy on Saturday to find out if he was feeling better about being in St. Louis not that he was a week in. He said he was glad I called because he was about to call me to tell me he was in town. He wanted to know what I was doing because he wanted to see me. Also, he wanted me to go back with him to St. Louis to have a visit this coming week. Easy said he no longer felt like he needed space, but that he felt like he didn't need the space to still be able to settle in. I was happy to hear all that he had to say and made my way over there after I finished my other activities (church's annual picnic and then Michelle and I saw Camille off to her gala ball with Malik).

I decided I wasn't going to drive back to St. Louis with him because today was my church's 96th anniversary. But I would drive down tomorrow. Plus, I'll get to see my best friend Lion who I haven't seen since before he took Step 1 and finished his second year of med school. Then tonight, Easy calls me and says, "we have to talk. There's something I have to tell him." I reminded him he wasn't allowed to give me any bad news for at least a couple of weeks. After assuring me it wasn't bad news, he tells me he's been feeling pretty bad about the idea of pre-marital sex and how it goes against his Bible. Don't get me wrong, his Bible is my Bible, we've just come to different conclusions on the matter. I've ended relationships before on this subject. I hate limitations of any kind. I had such a bad reaction to it, he thought I was ending things right there and said, "I guess you won't be coming to St. Louis now. I won't have any hard feelings if this is something that is that big to you." I realized I had to take a step back. I told him I would think on it tonight and we'd discuss it tomorrow. I still intend on going to visit him in St. Louis, and I'll do it without trying to seduce him. But how many curve balls can one woman in take in such a short period of time?

I like Easy a lot, but this has been such a tumultuous experience. I'm starting to question the wisdom of having any involvement with a person this mixed up who hasn't yet settled on who he is. There's so many ways that it can go wrong. If he lands in the wrong spot, I'm gonna be left hanging in the wind. But I am kind of feeling him. So until that changes, I guess I'll just hang on, I did always say I like roller coasters.

USMLE Step 1

I finally registered for my Step 1 exam. I don't know what it is about medical school that makes me so hesitant. I never stay ahead of deadlines. For example, when I first started med school, I was so apprehensive about moving to Champaign-Urbana, I didn't even go looking for apartments until like 2 weeks before orientation started. I did the same thing when I came to Rockford.

But I'm kind of excited about this test. Taking this test means that the lecture heavy portion of medical school is done with. I've struggled so much with staying motivated and staying focused. I feel like I've been in the first half of medical school for 5 years. I'm glad to see it coming to an end, even if somewhat bumpily. I am glad about what we're covering right now in class. It seems pretty high yield for this test.

This test is just the first of 3 I'll have to take. Step 2 I take at some point before I graduate med school. Step 3 I take to get licensed at the end of my intern year of residency. It's such a huge process. I seriously had no idea what it included when I applied for med school. I was more focused on just getting in and getting through.

They keep telling us, "You've passed many tests before this one. You'll pass this one too." God, I hope they're right.

Tunnel Vision

I wish I had tunnel vision right now. It's incredibly difficult for me to stay focused. I feel like I've been doing class work for forever!!

I just want to move on to all clinical work. That would make me happy. But first I have to get through the rest of this semester. That involves so much here at Rockford. First, there are two more big progressional tests. This campus goes above and beyond on Pharmacology. We have to learn hundreds, literally hundreds of antibiotics. My friend at Wash U only learns the major representative drug for each class. This makes sense because drugs change so often. But whatever.

Next, we have what they call shelf exams. It's supposed to be similar to the shelf exams we'll get in M3 year on clinical rotations. But these are for Pharm, Micro, and Path. They will cover everything we're supposed to have learned all year long. They come a week after we finish our last progressional exam.

Then comes boards. USMLE Step 1 will be taken by the M2s here by June 19th if we want to start our M3 rotations on time. That gives us a max of 7 weeks to study. That is a much longer time than other schools get. That's a good thing at least.

And then we get two weeks (more like 10) days off then we start M3 orientation. From there, no more vacation, but also, only occasionaly lectures. And everyday is in a hostpital/clinic. I'm so excited and nervous for what's coming up so soon!

Medical School So Far

This blog is jumping in halfway through my second year of medical school. It's been quite a journey thus far. I will occasionally reference old things in a effort to fill in the history, but I'm going to continue from the present for now.



At this point in medical school, my school life is a constant juggling act. I attend University of Illinois, the Rockford campus. This campus is all about Family Medicine. This is great for any medical student interested in practicing medicine in of the primary care areas. You get a lot of exposure to Family Medicine, Pediatrics, OB/GYN, the basics. There are good opportunities for other specialties as well. But it's clear where the focus lies. Great for me that I want to do OB/GYN.



These days, lots of talk focuses on preparing for USMLE Step 1, AKA the Boards. I'm looking forward to it because once we cross that threshold, it means my life will be almost all clinical, and very little classroom work. That makes me happy!



Right now, we're about 80/20 for clinical/classroom. There's still so much to learn, but almost all of it is interesting. And luckily, confirms what I think I want for myself in medicine. We shall see. I'm doing my best to keep an open mind. Who would choose a specialty before they get to see what it's like on the doctor's side?

But at this point, I'm trying to balance staying on top of our current workload, prepare for clinical work, start preparing for the Boards, keep on top of my family, friendship, and romantic relationships. It's quite the life, being an M2 (second year medical student at U of I - Rockford).