In My 20s Tuesday + Post-It Notes: Still On The Job Hunt

I know I've been super MIA. These things happen, especially in the summer time. My biggest reason for being absent is issues with my laptop. I can't get it to charge. But I've convince my mother to let me make use of hers for a couple weeks til I can figure something out. So hopefully, I'm actually back in action now! I've missed the blogosphere and look forward to catching up on everyone else's blogs as well.

***In My 20s Tuesday is all about things that should matter (maybe) to someone in their 20s. It's about life as we head into real adulthood. It's about laying the groundwork for a life: starting a career, setting up a home, starting a life with someone, etc. It's about things that will affect our lives down the road: politics, current events, pop culture, etc. Well, it's not about all those things at once (that'd be near impossible, lol). But hopefully I'll reach someone in their 20s who's looking for someone to feel what they're going through.***

Today's post comes because I still don't have a job. This is not exactly a surprise because everyone knows the situation in the current job market. Also, I chose to leave medical school during graduation season so I'm also competing with those just entering the workforce for the first time.

But things have changed in the last week. Before, I was only applying to jobs that fit my criteria for my career plan. But once June ended, I expanded. I'm now looking for anything that will enhance my skill set for the job I want. So that basically includes anything I'm qualified for in hospital or clinical setting as well and any office/secretarial job. It's kinda of disheartening to move away from my dream. I'm still applying for research jobs, but that's not enough anymore. I hope I hear something soon from anyone. Because of this doesn't work, then starting in August, I'll be applying for literally anything. I'll even do sales associate. There's nothing wrong with that job, I'm just hesitant to do work that doesn't enhance my skill set for my dream career.

But I've also got something else in the works. My pastor and I have been doing research to put together a proposal to get some of the funding allocated in the health care reform law for clinics. My community could really use a strong medical presence. Having my own clinic has always been one of my dreams, and if I could press fast-forward on that while helping the community I grew up in, I would be just as happy as could be!

Also, I've been up to some interesting things in the time since I've paused blogging, hopefully I can get some of that down in future blog posts!

In My 20s Tuesday + Post-It Notes: Are You Really A Grown-Up?

***In My 20s Tuesday is all about things that should matter (maybe) to someone in their 20s. It's about life as we head into real adulthood. It's about laying the groundwork for a life: starting a career, setting up a home, starting a life with someone, etc. It's about things that will affect our lives down the road: politics, current events, pop culture, etc. Well, it's not about all those things at once (that'd be near impossible, lol). But hopefully it will reach someone in their 20s who's looking for someone to feel them and what they're going through.***

I came across a very interesting article on CNN today. It was posted yesterday. It's an article entitled Are You Really A Grown-Up? I had to take a close look at this article and its 10 things you have to do to be a grown-up. Let's see how I measure up.

• Face life's challenges head-on.

I would like to think I do this. I've dealt with the death of my boyfriend. I've dealt with up-rooting my life for a reason hardly anyone else thought was good enough. I (so far) can't imagine backing down from a life-sized challenge.

• Make peace with your body.

I have accepted that I am 5'0". I have accepted that I have fat cheeks. I have accepted that aside from a boost from birth control pills, my breasts aren't going to get larger. Aside from that, I refuse to accept the recent weight gain and therefore am eating better and working out more to fix it. But that's not a crash diet, that is a lifestyle change. I will be such a hot commodity because hardly anyone has a flat stomach anymore.

• Take responsibility for your heart.
I don't think I can claim to have this one taken care of. I often ignore my heart. I guess I just don't trust it to make wise decisions. I've so often regretted the choices I've made based on emotions. I think taking responsibility for your heart means being cognizant of decisions of the heart and accepting all consequences like a grown-up. Yeah... I'm still working on this one.

• Build a meaningful career.
Now that I've sorted out what exactly it is I intend to do with my life, there is much planning and organizing to be done. This one is definitely a work in progress. But I've got the meaningful part down. I just need to get the career part in order. Lord, I need a job!

• Learn how to handle the tough times.
I tend to withdraw into myself when times are tough since I feel I can handle it best alone. I think if I were really doing the grown-up thing, I would learn how to let others help me handle things. This is specific to me, not everyone. I like to have people around and involved in my life, except I shut them out of whatever part isn't going well. If I'm going to be a people person, I think I'd do better to be like that even when I'm not at my cheery best.

• Face your anxieties.
Eh, I sometimes face my anxieties. For instance, bringing up conflict makes me nervous. When someone else brings it up or starts it, I'm all over it. But starting it myself makes me anxious and nervous. I still haven't decided whether or not that's a good thing.

• Take ownership of your finances.
Having a source of income would make this one easier. I do have a pretty good idea of what my working budget would be based on the type of job I want and the type of apartment I want to live in. But that's not the same as actually doing it. I suppose I can claim some ownership since I've already worked out how I'm going to begin to repay my student loans. I only wish I were financially independent. That will come in time, I suppose.

• Master the use of your time.
Nope, never been good at this. I will get lost in a book or in a mall or at a beach and lose my entire day. I tend to work better with strict deadlines. Without them, I work on laissez-faire time, lol. I still get everything done, but I've never felt that I make the most of my times. I wonder if I could change that about myself, would I actually feel more grown-up, or just more stuffy? I suppose it'd be a good skill to learn before I have to balance career, hobbies, family, etc. It would be nice to have good time management when I don't have much to manage.

• Practice dynamic communication.
Listen and respond. Listen and respond. Hitch had it correct when he told his clients to do this. In order to be a good communicator you have to talk and listen. You also have to understand that communication is not just what you say, but how you mean it and how the other person takes it. Without paying attention to all these parts, communication falls apart. Yep, I think I've got this one covered, but like some others, it's still a work in progress to constantly improve my communication skills.

• Find the right level of flexibility.
I think I may be too flexible. But it's usually easier for me to be flexible more so than others. I have the least responsibilities and the most free time. I'd like to think that others would be flexible for me if the situation were reversed. I'm going to say yes for this one.

I think I have about 6 1/2 of these. Not bad. I'm 65% adult, lol. I could be better. How do you measure up?

In My 20s Tuesday + Post-It Notes

In My 20s Tuesday is all about things that should matter (maybe) to someone in their 20s. It's about life as we head into real adulthood. It's about laying the groundwork for a life: starting a career, setting up a home, starting a life with someone, etc. It's about things that will affect our lives down the road: politics, current events, pop culture, etc. Well, it's not about all those things at once (that'd be near impossible, lol). But hopefully it will reach someone in their 20s who's looking for someone to feel them and what they're going through. Here goes!

 

 

This post idea came up in a very roundabout way. My car radio has been off forever because I left the lights on and had to get a jump and Honda has this security thing where the radio won't work if the power is cut. I've been far too lazy about getting it fixed. But while losing my mind in traffic today I finally called the 800 number to get the code to turn it back on.
 

Joyously happy to have radio and CD abilities in my car again, I put in my India.Arie CD Testimony: Vol. 2, Love & Politics and enjoyed her music. Even though I put the album on my iTunes, I mostly only listen to it on CD in my car. As I was singing along, this song same on with the line "it heals me just to hear you say 'I love you' ".

 

Then it hit me. It's been a long time since anyone has told me they loved me and meant romantic love. PT hasn't said it and I'm quite sure doesn't feel it (that works cause I don't love him yet either). This guy I dated off an on after the Ex never said it. The Ex went out of his way to make sure I knew he didn't love me. An ex from high school who popped up a couple years ago still never said it. My rebound guy from Light sure as hell wouldn't have gone there. The last person to tell me they loved me was Light. We broke up in 2006.

 

It's been four fucking years since anyone has been in love with me. I truly understand why that scorned woman bitterness creeps up along the edges occasionally. I try my darnedest not to be, but it's hard. I'm a Libra for Christ's sake! We love to be in love and I've been very deprived for years now. I'm too young for this shit!

 

Okay, rant over. But seriously, doesn't that suck? Someone my age who's enjoying life in her mid 20s shouldn't be love deprived. I'm certainly not man deprived. I must be doing something wrong. I can clearly pinpoint what that wrong thing was with a couple of the men. At certain times, I wasn't looking for love, at least not from them. But since that's what I want now, I need to figure out how to balance being open to that with letting it happen naturally.

 

The last thing I want it to give a Carrie-style speech to PT like the one Carrie gave to the Russian at the end of the Sex and the City television show. That would suck, and be so out of character for me, lol.

In My 20s Tuesday + Post-It Notes

In My 20s Tuesday is all about things that should matter (maybe) to someone in their 20s. It's about life as we head into real adulthood. It's about laying the groudwork for a life: starting a career, setting up a home, starting a life with someone, etc. It's about things that will affect our lives down the road: politics, current events, pop culture, etc. Well, it's not about all those things at once (that'd be near impossible, lol). But hopefully it will reach someone in their 20s who's looking for someone to feel them and what they're going through. Here goes!


 

 
This post is inspired by Classy In Philadephia's blog. She's currently writing a series of blogs about her years of college since she graduates on Thursday! Her blog is great, I think most everyone who reads my blog also reads hers, but if you don't, she's so cute and funny, check it out!
 
I was inspired by her blog to finally post about something really big that happened in my life and has played a large role in defining who I am. Lots of us 20-somethings go through experience in "the college years" that become a part of how we define ourselves. This usually happens whether or not we actually go to college.
 
What happened to me is the story of how Adam and I ended. I've mentioned him a lot more on my other blog, Simply.Saucy.Sexy., than I have on this one or even my blog about my love life. Mostly because my blog focuses a lot on the present rather than six years ago. But, feeling inspired, I am going to tell the story.
 
My freshman year of college was the first time I learned about Relay for Life. I went because I had family members battling cancer, and I was so glad that I had Adam there with me (there's actually a mention of him a couple posts, but the one I linked is probably the most interesting). He and I spent so much time together and I leaned on him to get through feeling helpless by being all the way in Florida while my great-grandmother was in Chicago sick.
 
I went on March 20, 2004 to visit her, basically to say goodbye. Top was supposed to give me a ride to the airport, but she had left her cell phone in her room and had the time wrong. Long story short, I missed my plane. By the time I got to Chicago, it was past visiting hours and I was told I'd have to go the next day. While having breakfast the next morning before going to see my grandma, we get the news that she passed during the night. I was devastated that I never got to say goodbye. But Adam, as always, was there to make me feel better.
 
Adam was from Memphis and I was from Chicago, so when we went home, we knew we weren't going to spend that much time together during the summer. In an effort to alleviate this, I took and internship in Nashville which wasn't super close to Memphis, but was a hell of a lot closer than Chicago. We spent a weekend together and it was lovely. Then we found out the apartment Adam wanted with his friends had come through. I decided to go down to Florida with him to help set up the apartment. His mother was on vacation in southern Florida and she was going to come up too to help get the place settled. His mother and I got along great so it was sure to be a lovely weekend. I wanted to be very considerate and not have him drive over to Nashville to come get me (missing most of Friday because I had class as part of the internship), so I decided to take Greyhound bus down to Florida after class and meet him.
 
On June 25, 2004, I spoke to him about 4:45 in the morning before he got on the road.I was texting him throughout class with no response, and then I called him while I was packing my bags and still no response. I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong, but I shrugged it off. Finally, I had wondered myself into enough to worry to call another one of our friends who was also moving into the apartment to see if he knew where Adam was. He said he didn't know but that one of Adam's old roommates said he had heard something was wrong and I should call his mother to find out if he was in the hospital or something.
 
This really freaked me out, especially since I had just dropped my phone from the third floor to the first floor of the library two weeks prior and didn't have Adam's mother's cell phone number. I called my mother to get it from her and so had to relate the story before I knew the whole story. I headed to the bus station with full intentions of going to Florida (where I assumed Adam was). I told myself even if he had a bad accident and was now a paraplegic, I would still love him and stand by him no matter what. My mother finally called me back with his mother's number. I call her and tell her it's me and the first thing out her mouth is. "My baby is dead."
 
I immediately burst into silent tears as I listen to her tell me the story. About 30 minutes after he and I got off the phone, he got into a car accident. His car hydroplaned and went off the highway and into a tree (that had killed 4 others besides him up to that point. The tree has since been cut down). He died upon impact with the tree. I felt incredibly numb, just sitting there in the bus station. After I got off the phone with her, I went back outside and got a taxi back to campus. There was no need of going to Florida if his mother was on her way to Mississippi to get the body. I just went back to campus. I called my parents and our friend to inform them of what happened. I told my new friends at the internship what happened and then curled into a little ball on the bed all weekend. I did make occasional calls to important people who had lots of other's phone numbers so they could spread the word.
 
It was, to this day, the most painful thing I've ever felt. I cannot describe the hurt I felt to lose the first guy I had ever really loved in such a way. Even now, almost six years later, I can't think about it without wanting to cry, and hardly anything makes me want to cry. It's a very short list: Adam's death so close after my grandma's death, anytime my brother is rude to me, when I feel frustrated that I'm failing at something.
 

But I became stronger because of it. I finished my internship even though my parents thought maybe I should come home for the rest of the summer. I started a book scholarship in his name at our school that went to a member of our graduating class each semester. I worked hard at not being afraid to love again (experience since then has shown I didn't do too good a job of that). I didn't give up on my dreams even though I just wanted to stay curled in that little ball for the rest of forever. Sometimes, when it's just me all alone, I do curl up into that ball, and I forget that there are times when I don't remember how much I miss him.

 
I guess the moral of the story is, bad things happen. It sucks, it truly sucks, but it doesn't mean you can stop living your life to the fullesst. It means you deal with it the best way you know how, and you try and become a stronger person because of it. Anyone who can make it out of their 20s without going through something catastrophic is lucky indeed.