Thursday, April 8, 2010

TMI Thursday!!

This is my first TMI Thursday. I have lots of embarrassing moments to share, but I have to figure out the best...

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Turns out the creator of this day has declared this her last TMI Thursday. Seeing as how it's my first, it may not also be my last, we'll see. Speaking of firsts, that gives me an idea for my TMI story.

So, my first real love was the guy I was dating my freshman year of college. We'll call him Adam. He and I both came to college with a relationship intact and all intentions of maintaining those relationships. Anyone who's gone to college trying to hold onto their high school sweetheart can comiserate. Anyway, we met, quickly became part of the same group of friends and then started hanging out. We lived the closest together of all our friends so we spent the most time together, but we didn't take the relationship any further than friendship until both of us were out of our previous relationships. I'm still very proud of that fact. After we both endured very painful breakups, we turned to each other for comfort. This guy became one of my best friends before he was ever anything else.

Where's the TMI part, you wonder? The things I had to go through to get and keep this guy now make me cringe with embarrassment. I consider myself an independent woman, but I more than bent over backwards to prove to him that I was right for him and he was right for me.

First, there was another girl in our group of friends who liked him. She wasn't in a relationship when she got to college. During one of our sleepover (imagine 13 eighteen year olds crammed onto the living room floor of a tiny tiny apartment, she made her move. I was laying near him and had to listen to them making out. Turns out they actually had sex the next week, but only the once (that's the story being stuck to til this day). I basically told him I knew it and then let it go for the sake of us. Yup, I should've been like, if you want her and she'll help you cheat on your girlfriend, I don't want any part of that, but I stayed and worked on our friendship.

Second, there was a girl in our pep team who like him. One trip we took to an away football game, she and I went and he didn't. I spent the night at his house the night before because I was sick. He made me soup and let me sleep in his bed so I could feel better. I woke up at about 10 pm to hear voices talking in his living room. She was there! I called him into the room to ask why she was there. He said they were friends and she just came over to hang out and I was sick and couldn't keep him company so I shouldn't mind. I was flabbergasted. When I re-read my diary from that year, I was feeling and thinking some pretty toxic things in that time period. But what did I do? I still fell asleep talking to him on the phone every night that weekend and he was the first person I went to see when I got back from the trip.

Third, when I went with him to visit his hometown around Easter, he confessed that he had cheated on me with his ex-girlfriend who he had sworn he hadn't spoken to since they broke up. We promised each other to cut off contact with our exes to give us a real chance. I had stuck to the promise, he had broken it in the worst way. What did I do? I thought about it for about 20 minutes and chose to forgive him as long as he promised not to do it again.

Don't get me wrong, I did my fair share of horrible things. They were mostly confined to sulking and starting arguments about things other than why I was really mad. But, I bent over backwards for a man I loved before I even loved him. I did things I'm ashamed of even now. 20 minutes!! Who forgives someone who apologizes about something they swore they'd never do in 20 minutes?! And I meant it too. I never brought it up to him again after that point. I'm prouf of my ability to truly forgive, but embarrassed by the depths I would go to for a man who didn't truly deserve it at the time.

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