Sunday, March 28, 2010

Why Am I Attracted to Men Who Don't Have Time For Me?

The article I've linked to does a pretty good job of expressing how I am in life. I want it all. And a healthy, happy romantic relationship is an important part of what I want. It's not the only important part. There's family relationships, my friendships, my career, my own personal life (hobbies, religion, self-improvement), and the impact I have on the world around me through community service and mentoring. But this blog is about romantic relationships.
There is this man I met on Halloween. He's made quite an impression on me. He is the only person in my life right now that I could truly see building a life with. I'm not planning out the rest of our lives, but if a serious committment discussion were to happen, I'm pretty sure I'd be on board.
Usually when I assess a man who is interested in me, I measure him up against a list of wants and non-negotiables to see how he measures up. I don't remember actually doing that this time. There was just something about this guy. We'll call him PT. PT didn't have to run the gamut of approvals that other men have. He hasn't even met my parents yet. I usually have a guy meet my parents even bfore a month has passed (They have an amazing crazy radar. When I really like someone, I lose all ability to gauge reality). But we have been getting to know each other without too many outside influences, which is a nice switch.
And PT has been lavishing me with praise in the aftermath of what I was afraid was a mistake. I'm still super glad I took that risk thinking I may get a different response this time. But anyway, I'm about to finally get to the point.
PT has an amazing job and life. These things were in place before he met me. He has a lot, I mean a lot, of demands on his time. There just isn't a whole bunch of time for me. Knowing that I am going to be delivering babies for a living assures me that someone who has their own life will not give me grief for the way I spend my time. PT certainly never gives me grief for the time I spend on my life.
One of my best friends, I'll call him Bad, always tells me that I want contradicting things. I want the type of romance that Carrie describes to the Russian in an episode in the last season of Sex and the City. That all-consuming passionate love. Yet I also want someone who is settled, provides a sense of security and has aspirations in life that include more than just loving me. I'm asking for a whole lot that could be contradicting in most men. What I end up with is a man who ends up upset with me because I have more things to do than sit in his lap and be in love. Well, either that or a man who is so busy building the foundation of his life that it is of little consequence to him that he hasn't been building a relationship with me. I was afraid the PT was the second type.
For one, I don't see him that often. We live in different cities and have abhoriously differnt schedules. Also, there are so many times I think of something I want to say to him, but can't reach him to have the conversation. I've been impressed with my ability to not freak out and go the way of insecurities and sabotage the relationship before it can get off the ground. We are not even close to where I usually am at this calendar point in a relationship. But I'm okay with taking things slow with him. It seems to be working in our benefit because we aren't forcing things and we're allowing a real transition period of relationship-building.
I have been having some trouble getting PT to come visit me in Rockford. Everytime, something comes up. I've been very patient, but it seems that finally it may happen. My grandmother encouraged me to push him on coming to visit me. I try not to take advice from her seeing as how she's divorced. But she's such a fan of PT, I didn't think she'd suggest something she wasn't sure of. And she was right! I asked a little more insistently, and now he's coming! Thank God for Spring Break! I guess, score one for patience and perseverance. Maybe this one man may have actually struck an acceptable balance of his life and ours.

1 New Hypotheses:

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