Thursday, September 30, 2010

Enough About My Life aka An Escape From Reality

This post is not going to be some discussion of my views of myself of my life or whatever. No, it's time to take a break from that. Why am I taking a break from that today? Because I do what I want. And also, it's better this way. No one wants to read my rambling stream of consciousness about not yet having a job or being frustrated about a guy or lamenting that my friends are so busy or yet another post about how much I love my Kindle or yoga (which I totally do by the way).

But this is not about me. At least not today. This is about fall network television. Ever since I moved back home, I'm finding lots of things to love about my parents' DVR. It's not Comcast ONDemand, but it does have it's benefits. I'm seeing the depth of those benefits these past two weeks. CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, etc. have all had their season premiers of the shows, new and old, that I've been dying to see.

I love my summer cable programming (I loooove yooou Psych and Leverage and White Collarrrrrrr!!!!!), but there's something to be said about the drama of new fall programming. It lacks some of the whimsy of the summer, but the characters are more like the people you'd run into on the street, not just someone so awesome you wish they existed in real life (I'm looking at you Sean and Gus, you too Hardison and Parker).

Because of the DVR, I've been able to watch all the shows I want to watch, without having to use the internet the next day. For instance, Monday night brings How I Met Your Mother, Dancing With The Stars, House, and 90210. I can watch two and record two. I've done this Sunday through Thursday and I love it! I usually don't catch up on all the shows til Saturday late afternoon, but the days of having to choose are over!

What about the cable shows that have new fall programming too? Well, I don't watch most of the reality shows, MTV is evil, but I do notice that cable shows have re-runs. Waaay more re-runs that network television. I watched the final battle of Chopped Champions at 1:00 am last night. I wasn't stressed about catching it at 8 pm or 9 pm or whatever time it came on.

Watching Brandy and Maksim argue, or Naomi deal with the aftermath of her lies and her attack, or Tyra sussing out America's Next Top Model makes my evenings pass with joy. I never had much going on in the evenings before besides studying. It's just nice, at least this fall, to take advantage of all my free time and really delve deeply into someone else's life.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

How To Make Every Guy That Came Before You Look Bad

I've been writing a lot of how-tos lately. It's my way of writing about this guy I met without actually writing about him. Whenever something happens with him that I want to write about, I broaden it out into something that includes the men I've dated in general. So this post, and the other how tos, are about him, but not about him. When he's been around long enough to not be some random six week blurb in my blog, then he'll get specific posts. Maybe.

Anyway, on to my list.

*Have one or two outstanding qualities that happen to be major flaws in the last guy.

*Do things previous guys always talked about, but never actually did.

*Communicate with me everyday. Don't bother making excuses about why you were busy, just make the time.

*Keep the bullshit to a minimum. Only say things you mean. Ask for clarification if I say something you don't understand.

*Be yourself. Let me see the attributes and the flaws. That way I can make an informed decision about whether or not you are a person I want to spend time and emotions on.

*Focus on more than just one part of me. I am more than my body or my mind or my personality or my upbringing. I am all those things. Show me you get that.

*Do/Say things that enhance our connection. If we have a shared sense of humor, crack a joke every time we talk. If we've bonded over movies, take me to more movies.

*Include me in your life. If we've been dating for a while, I should know things about your job and family and friends.

*Learn my moods. Respond to them accordingly.

I know it's a tall order. But I know guys who have done several of them all at once without flinching. One of these days, I'll find a guy who can do them all.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Single Women Categories by Marie Claire

I wrote a post that went up today on my blog about my friends love lives. It was one of my Tip Top Tuesday posts. In it, I talk about my girl Top and what type of single girl she is based on this article she sent me online in Marie Claire. It's called The 12 Categories of Single Women.

I mentioned in the other blog post how we two agreed completely on what type of single woman I am. I'd love it if you read the Marie Claire article before you read the rest of this post. I assume that if you're reading this post, you've read a previous post of mine and therefore are able to take a reasonable guess as to which single woman I am. Go ahead I'll wait.

Imagine elevator music playing. This non-paragraph is here in case you just had to read on. Read the Marie Claire article!

Okay, thanks for coming back instead of spending the next hour poking around the Marie Claire website. So what type did you think I was?

The Phoenix?! Nope, while I've had some pretty frustrating crashes and burns, I've had no devastating break ups. Nothing so serious I couldn't bounce back by the time the next guy showed up offering something possibly better.

The Town Rebel? I know I've been talking a lot about not letting what other people want for me overrule what I want for myself. I am not that rebellious however. When I say, "I'm a rebel, I do what I want." I mean it. However, rebelling for me just means going out even though I have an early morning, but then staying in the next night. Trust me, I'm more traditional than rebel.

The Princess-in-Waiting? I'm offended. Sure, I've never posted about approaching a guy, but I certainly am not sitting there pining and waiting for Prince Charming. I know he may never come. I'm more proactive about making it work with the guy who's right in front of me. That is, until he makes it absolutely necessary that I run  away as fast as my feet can carry me from whatever he's offering. I've done some serious woo-ing in my day. No it didn't end well, but I'm the type of person who will occasionally take matters into her own hands.

The Soul-Mate Seeker? Ding ding ding, we have a winner. Yes, it's true. I'm the type of person who longs to be in that partnership that just completes you, or whatever the latest happy-relationship-cliche is these days. I've tried a lot of things to find The One. I've broken up with great guys because I thought they might not be The One. I've accepted waaaay too much crap from a guy who had "The One" potential. It drives me more than I'd like to admit. But hey, I value self-awareness more than I value making a good image of myself.

What kind of single woman are you? And guys, what kind of single woman would you want, if you had to pick one from these categories?

Monday, September 27, 2010

Trial And Error To Build A Life

Anyone who is friends with me hears me talk a lot about looking back on years gone past. As a 25 year old, I don't have a lot of years actually behind me yet, I know. But, when I look back, I'm quite happy. High school was so much fun. College was even more fun. I wish I hadn't wasted three years at medical school, but it's not really a waste because I use the knowledge I gained there damn near everyday.

All of this thought about time past is because I'm about to turn 26 in two weeks exactly. A full quarter of my life (probably less since I'm American) is behind me. Will I look back on these years past and be happy about them?

By cutting my life up into little chunks, I think the answer is definitely yes. But when I step back and look at the bigger picture, there are some things that stand out. I've wasted a lot of time on guys past their expiration date. I spent a lot of time preparing for medical school and not doing other things with my time.

But then again, by being so focused on making my high school career attractive to a good college and making my resume attractive to a medical school kept me out of a lot of foolishness that other teenagers and college students were involved in. I had to make time for my foolishness, so it is foolishness I ultimately don't regret.

And from each guy I wasted time on, I'd like to think I learned more about myself and about how I deal with guys. Clearly, I don't have it right yet. But I'm getting there. Maybe. Well, I do have evidence that I'm getting there because It only took me 8 weeks to be done with Easy's bullshit even though it took me that many months to be done with PT's bullshit. Bullshit maybe isn't fair. Neither of them were just that into me.

I think I'll look back on this time and not remember it as the level of fun from previous years, but certainly with more lasting life lessons. You should learn things quicker as an adult. At least I should, since I just keep making adult versions of earlier mistakes and not realizing it's the same mistake until I get the same outcome with the same feelings in the same situation. Then I'm like, oh duh!

I'm going to write another post soon about the things I've learned since my last birthday. That way this post (this rambling, let's be honest) won't be unbearably long.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

How To Be An Interesting Date

I'm a person who's easily impressed, I think. For example, I like when people are passionate and it doesn't matter what about, as long as they have that passion. It can be something artsy like music. Or it can be something odd like making art pieces using dead mice (I know somebody saw Dinner for Schmucks). But I get impressed if it's discussed with passion. And when I find a person is passionate, they suddenly become so much more interesting to me. That led me to think of things that I've noticed make for an interesting date. Plus I wanted to balance out the negativity of the post about a passive-aggressive date.

* Be passionate. It doesn't matter what about. One exception: if your passion is fight club, that's not okay.

*Be clever. Intelligence, book smarts, quickness, street smarts, wit, common sense, whatever. Those are all things that describe a way to be smart. But what I really like is cleverness. Show me that you think about things in a different way than normal. If you think outside the box, if you take the conversation in an unexpected direction, or if you tell a quirky story that just wouldn't happen to the average person, I am hooked and I will listen to anything you have to say.

*Be eye candy. Everyone is not a 10. You don't have to be (although that helps). But know what makes you look good and play up that aspect. If you have great arms, show them. If you have great eyes, don't take me to a dark place where I can't see them. Work your assets cause this woman is just as visual as a man.

*Smell good. This should be a no-brainer. Not that I would date a guy with allergies anyway, but even men who are allergic to most colognes can still smell like soap. My favorite smells on a man? Dove soap and spray starch. Seriously.

*Do something unexpected. This is not necessarily covered by the be clever instructions. Pick an unexpected date activity or location or something. Or maybe bring me flowers because that would definitely be unexpected. The point is doing something, on purpose, that it unexpected will show me you put extra thought into the evening, extra thought into providing me with a good time. This usually has long-tern lasting effects on my happiness.

*Ask me questions that don't have one word answers. Keep the conversation flowing. Ask about in-depth things, but please only ask if you really care.

*Give more than one word answers to my questions. Show me that there's more to you than your resume and family history. Playing 20 questions about your favorite color etc. is cool, but I want to know more about your personality and sense of humor and process of thinking than I do answers to questions that will help us win a game show. I want to know your favorite color too, I'd just rather hear about it in the middle of an awesome story about you choosing between two colleges based on their school colors. I'm much likelier to remember it that way anyway.

*Tip Your Waitress! I will not go on a date with a cheapskate. If you can't afford the tip, we need to go to a less expensive restaurant. But I can't even date someone who doesn't appreciate the hard work that waitresses and waiters have to go through. You're depriving someone of their income and lowering their quality of life. What can I say? I'm passionate about this. It's non-negotiable.

*Be Funny. I laugh really easily. Really easily. So make me laugh. You can do it. Come on, I'll probably even laugh at one that starts, "why did the chicken cross the road?" and ends with, "to get to the other side" if you say it with the right delivery. Seriously, if you can't get me to crack a smile, we have no business spending time together.

*The Golden Rule of Interesting Dating: Highlight Your Uniqueness! I want someone who stands out from the crowd, and not because they're an attention hog. The strong quiet type will stand out to me the most if what they have to say when they finally open their mouth is really worth listening to. So whatever your thing is, show it to me (that sounds dirty, haha) and I will be smitten with your uniqueness and dying to see more. Unless of course your uniqueness is an eleventh toe. You might want to save that one for when I like you too much to be weirded out by it.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

How To Be A Passive Aggressive Dater

As far as I can remember, near 100% of the guys I have dated have exhibited some passive-aggressive behavior. I avoid Pisces like the plague, so it's not as bad as it could be. But I decided I should put together a how-to guide to make it even easier for them to accomplish the task of driving me up a wall.

*Refer to all my friends of the opposite sex as "that must be your boo".

*Never actually ask if I'm dating anyone else, just constantly refer to the possibility.

*Show me a photo montage, set to soft rock music, of your child, his mother, and you. You all must look like the happiest, most impenetrable family unit ever.

*Cook me dinner and talk about how you're likely so much better than every other guy because you did the unique thing of cooking for me. Please don't ever ask if that is indeed a unique thing.

*Remind me that the date we're on is not a "real date." Describe a real date that sounds exactly like what we're doing.

*Don't forget to also show me your gallery of exes while you're showing me your other pictures.

*Remind me constantly that you don't actually intend to be here in this city in a couple of months. Follow that up with a discussion of how you take your time getting to know people before getting into anything serious, the same type of serious you'd need to do a long-distance anything.

*Talk and joke A LOT about your physical attraction to me, but only if you're going to also talk about your desire to avoid a physical relationship of any kind at this point.

*Whenever possible, say conflicting things like, "I'm not your man". "I find you so intriguing", "I could see us being really good friends", and "you're exactly the type of woman I can see myself marrying". If you can work all four into one conversation, you get bonus points!

*And the Golden Rule of Passive-Aggressive Dating: Run Hot Then Cold.
For example, call and text constantly for a week, then disappear for a week. Also, be incredibly touchy-feely, then suddenly become standoff-ish.

You don't have to work too hard to be completely confusing, just stick to the golden rule and you can't go wrong.

Friday, September 24, 2010

A Tip For Black Men In The Public Eye, I'm Looking At You Jesse Jr. and Bishop Eddie Long

Stop doing bad stuff! I know that it's impossible to please everyone, but damn, you don't have to make it so easy for your enemies to drag you down into the mud. Growing up as a black person in this country, you are taught or learn or hear somewhere that it's hard being black. No need to pick up a violin to play along, I'm just saying.

What I know for sure is that Jesse Jackson, Jr. and Bishop Eddie Long both know this story. They live in Chicago and Atlanta, respectively. They are leaders in the black community. They are aware!

Now that that's settled, let me get back to the point at hand. I'll start with Jesse Jr. He sucks! He's such a hypocrite. When his father got into trouble for his taking part in the girlfriend/illegitimate child debacle back when I was younger, he got up on his high horse, and shouted to the far corners that his dad was crap and not a good example of what a strong black man should be.

And now, he's the one with the girlfriend. You know what I think? I think he was a fat ass before and no one was going to sleep with him. Add in a gastric bypass and some national known-ness, and suddenly you have to have a girlfriend. I've never been a fan of his wife, but damnit man! If you're unsatisfied with your life, why did you set up this life for you? I have odd views of cheating that I'll choose to keep to myself, but I am not okay with leading this secret private life that is going to come out and ruin your chances for things, such as, oh I don't know, running for mayor of Chicago! He's an hypocritical asshole, that's all I have to say.

Now Bishop Eddie Long, it's your turn. I pray that the stories about you having sex with these men who were members of your homophobic (in Atlanta no less) church. A blog I love to read entitled Angry Black Bitch had a great post about it. First a disclaimer: I've always disagreed with the public nature of his church. They are famous for their anti-gay stance. And they preach prosperity, which I abhor. I'm not going there, this is about current scandals.

Because he's a pillar of his community, I can't say enough how much I hope the stories aren't true. He's being sued for this, which is an odd avenue to get retribution for behavior. The story is that he game these men gifts for sex. If that's the case, they seem kind of greedy to sue for even more money. I can get how easy it is to become a victim to a figure of authority, but I'm just a bit skeptical of the story I'm hearing. That still doesn't change the fact that he's a target for this type of charge because he's so against gay people.

Based on what we've seen with all the sex scandals that come out, it's usually soooooo hypocritical! When will people learn! Jesse is angry with his dad and repeats the same behavior. Eddie is homophobic and now he's possibly a closeted gay person. This is not something unique to black people. Most American scandals period tend to be so hypocritical (especially when it involves a politician. I'm looking at you Ensign and Spitzer).

But damnit black men, you know if anyone is going to get caught, it's going to be you! The scandal will come out eventually but the punishment is so much worse for you and your people! And when you get scandalized and lose your pristine position as a leader of the black community, there isn't an easy replacement. We can't just move forward. Our faith gets shaken and the political world and media world don't just embrace the next black person standing there. That's not the way our community gets leaders. You're being selfish and mean by being so self-indulgent. You put yourself in the spotlight. You decided to paint this picture of yourself as almost-perfect. You are the one who are letting down your community. You are the one who's made it that much harder for the next black man to stand up and try and lead. Thanks asshole.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

I Have Inadverdently Joined Weight Watchers

My parents are now doing something about their weight and health. That makes me happy. They have joined Weight Watchers and I"m looking forward to them trimming down like some of their friends have done on the Weight Watchers program. The first couple of days they were on the program, they were having some trouble keeping up with their points.

With Weight Watchers, you're supposed to keep to a number of points, but my parents weren't even using all theirs. You're supposed to use all your points. A combination of a busy day plus not wanting to do too much and go over their points is the reason I believe they did that. So then I decided to help out.

I've been making dinner and dessert the last couple of days. Tasty things that are relatively healthy. For instance, I made catfish poached in butter instead of breaded and fried. Somehow being poached in butter still only got it up to six points.

Cooking more often at home helps me to feel like I'm doing something to carry my weight around here, no pun intended. But now I might as well be on Weight Watchers too. I think I used 20 points today. I shouldn't be on Weight Watchers, I am down fifteen pounds from when I first saw Sex and the City 2!

But I must admit, it's nice to be able to help my parents. And if I'm going to eat the food too, I know it will taste good. I do get some balance thrown in. Instead of eating those Weight Watchers brand snacks, I eat something Frito-Lay. I will never eat those Weight Watchers snacks, no matter how tasty those ice cream sandwiches look. Did I mention I'm a sucker for ice cream sandwiches?

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Reason #38 Why I Am Not A Morning Person

It's true, with all my peppy tendencies and overall happiness, in the morning, none of those words apply to me. But on to the point of this post. I woke up this morning thinking, "why won't that damn phone stop ringing?!?!?!"

Based on the constant ringing, it was either someone at the front door who expected entry but had no key, some family member calling about something emergency-like and sad, some rude-ass telemarketer, or wait!-- It might be that woman who called me yesterday about an interview for a position doing research!

So I answer the phone and it is the last one. I'm pretty excited because I didn't check the caller ID and had it been a telemarketer, they would later be surprised to hear Christians live at this address. I talked to the woman (it was an over-the-phone interview basically).

At the end of this conversation, she tells me that I'm slightly under-qualified for the job she has to offer because I'm closer to the one year than the three years of experience they would prefer. I"m thinking, "what the hell?! Then say three years experience preferred instead of 1-3 years experience preferred!"

So, another job slips through my fingers. She said there were other positions she thought would be good for me and that I could expect to hear from her again in a couple weeks. My optimism isn't nearly as strong at that hour of the day. But since some time has passed, now I'm back to being hopeful.

This whole thing would've been a lot less stressful at noon rather than right at 8:00 a.m. That's all I'm saying,

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Weird Thoughts In The Early Morning

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about men. Not any man in particular, but the men who've been involved in my life in recent times. Someone such as myself, who actively dates, is bound to experience more toads than princes. Otherwise I'd be in a relationship instead of single.

I can't help but think though about the myriad of ways things have not ended well. I call it a crash and burn. And that's pretty much what happens. You're flying along thinking things are going great. "I like flying," you think. And then a a bird hits your plane and as you're falling out the sky like Wile E. Coyote, you think, "Not Again!"

But me being me, I bounce back after a mourning period. That's how I feel now. I feel bouncy. But I am not going to ignore the lessons I should have learned from the last year. I think I have found a way to learn lessons but still be me.

Lesson #1: Focusing on the positive isn't always the best idea.
I am a person who tends to focus o the positive and give people the benefit of the doubt. Until someone has proven themselves to be full of shit, I try to not assume. But that doesn't work in a courtship because when a man is full of shit, giving him the benefit of the doubt until it's proven for sure just makes me more likely to end up with a broken heart.
Plan of Action: Notice the good and bad just as before, but don't respond by focusing only on the good; give a more balanced reaction.

Lesson #2: Going outside of my comfort zone isn't the end of the world.
I've recently met  guy who I said I wouldn't write about in this blog; he's a very private person. All I'll say about him is that he breaks 80% of the rules I set up for myself. These rules were set up over the last 10 years based on what I felt I liked or didn't like in a guy. But I've recently done away with my rules because they don't gel with my natural open-mindedness. That, however, doesn't change my dependence on my ability to know a good person when I see one, it just means I won't rule a person out based on something outside their control.
Plan of Action: Judge people based on their character, not how they match up to a checklist of what I think I want.

Lesson #3: Sticking to my firm principles is always a good idea.
The example for this one is about the way I make male friends. My male friends are as important to me as my female friends. I can have them in my life without any concerns for how it might affect a future relationship because I make sure that when I decide to be friends with a guy, there isn't some underlying desire. I don't want to date or sleep with any of my friends. That being the case, when an involvement with a man ends and they say, "we should be friends" I always have a negative reaction to that. I was starting to think maybe I was overreacting or just saying no to be spiteful. But I know now that's not the case. If I still see a guy in a  romantic way, we can't be friends. It goes against my principle. I'm not going to compromise my future relationship to keep a guy in my life who wouldn't be there if there wasn't an attraction in the first place.
Plan of Action: No new guy friends, until we've gotten to (or are already at) a point where dating isn't even an option.

Because of Lesson #1, I should be able to avoid the situations I had with PT and with Easy. If I'm paying as much attention to the inconsistencies as I do the things that sound nice, I should waste less time in the future. Because of Lesson #2, I will be more open to someone who may be great for me, even if they are not what I expected. Because of Lesson #3, I should become much better at making a clean break when it's time to walk away.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Lots of Things Are Making Me Happy Right Now

I'm going to attribute my current happiness to a number of things:

1. Yoga
It's still totally awesome! I'm very excited to be going again today. I am pleasantly surprised that my mom is down to still continue classes this week even though she didn't see all that psyched about it last week. Her and my dad are also joining weight watchers which makes me glad because I've become increasingly concerned about their health. They're getting up in age, and I told them, I was putting them in a home if they had serious health problems when they got old enough to need to be taken care off, particularly if those health problems were self-induced because of bad habits in their younger years. But hopefully that won't matter anymore because every one's exercising and putting more thought into how they feed themselves. Happy day!

2. Jane Austen
I'm more than halfway through her published books I've downloaded to my beloved Kindle. I'm on Northanger Abbey right now. This one appears more commentary than anything else, but it is still quite enjoyable if I skip the passages that describe novels of that era. I've been enjoying all her books and I'm just happy I've found a number of books by a single author that I can't put down. It's been a while since that happened. I feel like it's the official cutoff of my embracing a love of reading again.

3. Church
All the activities I'm doing in church seem to be netting some real results. I don't talk about it in detail a lot on this blog, so I won't go into all of it now. But just know that I am getting a huge sense of accomplishment in this area and that's making me happy.

4. Men
I am experiencing far less man drama than I'd ever thought possible without buying eight cats and giving up. Just as I could expect from myself, I am over my desire to stay in contact with Easy. Well, not exactly. But I'm over it enough to stick with that plan. He contacted me over the weekend (probably because he was in town), and I didn't respond. I've been coming up with every reason in the book for it and I'll continue to do that because I'm over guys who just aren't that into me.

5. Corrected Perceptions
I recently wrote that someone told me I was not who I seemed. Turns out, this person was drawing extra conclusions from the things I said about me etc. So after a discussion about assumptions and a clarification of a few things, including I only say what I mean, nothing less and nothing more, it was cleared up. I believe there is no longer that thought that I'm not who I say I am, there is just a shock that I'm not who this person thought I was. And I"m okay with that. It happens.

So, for today, I'm just going to continue applying for jobs I hope to get, look forward to my endorphin rush, and check out the weight watchers website to see what my parents are up to.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

What A Difference Endorphins Make!

I noticed as soon as I walked into Core Power Yoga Monday afternoon how relaxed and happy everyone seemed. Whether I was to attribute that to a lucky sampling of "happy people" or whether it was all the yoga was to be determined.

After doing it three days straight myself (and I'm going tonight, even if I have to leave a meeting early to do it), I'm pretty convinced it's the yoga. Even though it's a relatively low impact exercise, you do sweat, you do use muscles and possibly get sore, and you do release endorphins. Having that chemically natural happy drug certainly makes a difference, let me tell you.

I wrote a post last week about being in the doldrums. I just don't feel that way anymore. There's a serious difference (at least to me) in my posts. Having a knowledge of chemistry told me that endorphins do this, but I hadn't the time, resources, or motivation to really get into a steady exercise regiment.

Last night, I was accused of a number of things, one of which being that I thought I was one type of woman when I was really another. That confused me because I don't know that I've been (or appeared) anything but who I am. So that requires a bit of self-reflection on my part to see who it is I think I am, and how that compares to how I come off. It's just been so long since anyone said that to me. When I was younger I was told I seemed conceited up until the person got to know me and was surprised to find out how down-to-earth I was. But since that time, I think I've done a better job of seeming down-to-earth from first introductions.

But, usually as these things go, the person who accused me of these things didn't actually have a concise way to put it so I can't even begin to imagine what character traits I was thought to have and turned out not to actually possess. But that is why I do yoga now. I have a whole hour to meditate on it tonight.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

A Very Relaxing Day

I went back to yoga today. I felt so good about working out two days in a row. It's been a very long time since I've done that. I'm hoping to go again tomorrow. And my mother may actually join me, so that should make an interesting story.

Today, I was sitting in the yoga studio, feeling slightly less adequate than I did yesterday. I don't feel even a bit sore, but apparently my muscles weren't in tip top shape. I was trying to not judge myself for losing my balance in a couple of the poses. So I instead focused on breathing and not looking at the woman to my left who really wasn't getting any of the poses right. "Don't judge her," I said to myself, to no avail.

I think it was my natural tendency to judge people who aren't visually appealing to me. I wasn't a fan of her hair. It was icky. I'm gonna find a pic on the Internet that's similar to how it was.
She was going for this:

It looked more like this:

I can't help it, I'm not a fan of people who come out in the street looking horribly. But I managed to ignore the lazy inflexible woman with the horrible hair and focus on my on yoga purpose.

I left the studio feeling wonderfully relaxed and headed home. I made my parents (and myself) dinner and did some work on an upcoming project I have for the Youth Department at church. All in all a very productive day. I will definitely keep doing this yoga thing if it manages to make me more tolerable of things like having to cook in my parents' kitchen (which I hate a little bit) and being forced to be around people who don't take care of themselves (which I hate a lot).

Monday, September 13, 2010

Yoga Is Awesome!

Today I took my first yoga class. My mother and I were supposed to take the class together, but she had to cancel on me at the last minute for a work thing. We'll make it up on Wednesday, hopefully.

But even though she couldn't go, I decided I was going by myself. Yoga is something I have been interested in for a while. I have a bit of exposure to it between a DVD I bought once at Wal-Mart and Wii Fit. But it's so different in an actual class atmosphere. I am a weirdo and I abhor gyms, so I was super excited when I found this place Core Power Yoga, that just has yoga classes. It is not a gym. And they do hot yoga, which I have heard is the best thing to do.

An acquaintance of mine swears by hot yoga. She said she did it three times a week for six months and had a six pack and tight everything. I am trying that approach. Ever since I decided to eat healthier and exercise more often, I've lost weight (more weight than I intended) and I almost have a flat stomach. Attending these yoga classes should take me over the edge towards flat stomach-ness. Hardly anyone has a flat stomach these days. I hope to be one of those people by Christmas. that gives me three and a half months. Here goes.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Finally Reading Jane Austen

I've mentioned a few times on this blog how much I love my Kindle. If it had a penis, I'd be dating it. It has never disappointed me. And because the Kindle is from Amazon, I get super awesome prices for most books, less than nook and e-reader users pay buying their books from Barnes and Noble and from Sony. But I digress.

I got a lot of classic books for free.ninety-nine on my Kindle. I think I bought about one hundred of them all in one day. Some are books I read children's versions of around age 9-11. Others are books I'd been meaning to read, but never got around to.

A perfect example of this are Jane Austen's novels. I love some of the movies that are based on them. I love Bridget Jones' Diary based on Pride and Prejudice, for example. But the people I know who truly love Jane Austen's novels are not my kind of people. I went to see Becoming Jane or whatever that movie was called that had Anne Hathaway and James McAvoy (who is one sexy ass white boy) in it. I liked the movie, but left the theater feeling I couldn't possibly like the books that woman wrote.

I was sitting in the hairdresser's chair last month getting my locks tightened and feeling incredibly bored. I decide to pull up Sense and Sensibility. I figured it'd be good to start with the first published, even though not the first written, of her books. Can I just say that I was immediately hooked? I loved it!

I've since read Pride and Prejudice and also Mansfield Park. I'm working now on Emma. I find myself actually surprised by the twists in the stories. I find myself identifying with the characters in the books. The heroines are dealt the most realistic happy endings that I was rooting for the entirety of the book. The villains or villain-types are also dealt with as if karma itself were writing their ending.

If you've ever thought about reading Jane Austen, but didn't for whatever reason. Get over yourself and pick up a copy, you probably will not regret it.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Feeling Like I'm Starting From Scratch

I wrote a series of posts a short while ago about what I've learned about myself this summer. Now that summer is coming to an end, upon further reflection, I feel like I've taken steps back. It's just on reflection of the things that matter to me about my life, not in any real order.

Family: I have a non-existent relationship with a number of family members, but I don't even want to get into that. But as far as my parents go, there's always this juxtaposition of our two relationships. There's the first part where we hang out all the time and enjoy each other's company. Then there's the other side where they know absolutely nothing about my life right now. They could probably tell you who my friends are. But they can't tell you what man I'm interested in. They don't know my career goals. They don't know what jobs I've been applying for. They probably think I haven't been applying for jobs. I think it sucks, but I don't know how to make them care about something they feel so unhappy about.

Friends: I'm back to ground zero. Yes, I've been working on strengthening friendships this summer. But now that September is here, it just feels like no progress. Top, Lion, and Noni all live in different states and are kept pretty busy between work/school/romance. Bad has been busy with Jordan since she moved to Chicago, and Sonny is always busy with Cher since they got engaged. Michelle has gone back to school, Camille has started law school, and Gloria is always busy with her boyfriend and/or son. I literally have no one I can call up when I feel like hanging out. Which leads me to my other concerns for myself during this self-pity-party.

Career: I wish I had a career to be concerned about so I would be busy too and it wouldn't matter that my friends and family don't have the time to be concerned about me at a moment's notice. I had a career and I walked away from it. Every time I think about it, I still feel like it was the best decision ever. It's just really frustrating that I can't find a job. I've been applying for all types of jobs, in my exact career path and out. It's harder than I thought to find a research job. I figure it must just be that I am not looking in the right places. But all I can do is keep putting in the work to make it happen.

Romance: I don't even wanna think about all the ways my love life has gone wrong in the last number of years. I want to have someone I can go on dates with, watch movies with, try new things with. I want that to be a person I like kissing who doesn't have any limitations on our potential. But unfortunately, I can't get Easy out of my head. So for now I'm screwed. But I can at least count on my tendency to not keep feelings for a person. The only difference this time is I haven't had the desire to distract myself with the company of another man. But I'm sure that will come with time. I have these moments where I don't want anyone else, but they never last. I will be fine soon based on my past.

Myself: Who I am as a person is not an accident. I make a point of being myself, but I do make edits as necessary to be a better person when the occasion strikes me. But I'm having a problem right now because I can't think of anything I want to change. I know of some flaws, some pretty big ones. I'm hyper-critical. I curse too much. I'm too rigid about things I don't have enough experience with. I sleep too much. But am I going to change these things? I'm just a bit concerned that I don't feel the need for self-improvement, I always feel that need.

I just feel off lately and I don't know how to fix it. It's just not like me to be aware of so many problems and not know (or have the desire) to fix it. But, I never stay down for long, it's one of my favorite things about myself. So I will just wait for the doldrums to go away. Did I use that word correctly? Doldrums?

Monday, September 6, 2010

Being Bitter Against The Opposite Gender

So in an effort to not admit complete defeat and give up and by eight cats, I came up with another plan. I decided I would still embrace my bitter. I would expose my bitterness all over some unsuspecting man. I have been blessed to be able to attract men pretty much where ever I go. But this was going to be a problem seeing as how I am anti-party for now (met PT at a Halloween party; met Easy at a wedding reception).

But my girl Michelle is in town for Labor Day weekend, so of course we had to go out. She went to a party thrown by R Kelly on Friday. I'm not saying anymore about that except to say that I wanted to parts of anything to do with R Kelly, so we didn't go out til Saturday. Camille didn't join us cause she has to split up her limited time now that she's a law student (sooo proud of her). But our other friend, who I'll call Gloria, came with us.

We couldn't decide on a place to go, so we ended up going to and leaving Tantrum, Plush, Club Rednofive, and then finally just going to Bar Louie and having a Sex and the City moment with martinis (though I never saw them getting down on loaded fries and buffalo wings).

But when we were leaving Plush this man stopped me by grabbing my hand. This is a brief summary of our conversation.

Him: "Wow, we are matching from head to toe, except for the pink purse. We should really stop and talk to each other.

Me: "Oh wow, we are matching. white shoes and all. You didn't have to mention the purse though. It was a given, I'd hope."

Him: "But no, you're really something. We need to be talking right now."

Me: "Let me save you from yourself. I just got out of a thing and I'm really not in a good place. It won't end well for you."

Him: "But I'm not him, you gotta be able to separate that."

Me: "Oh, but I can't. You know resolution? The ability to see two points as different? Yeah, I've got no skills in that area right now. Seriously... Run."

Him: "Nah, I can't run away from you. Maybe we could just be friends."

Me: "I have enough friends. And I don't want anymore."

Him: "Well, we could just speak casually until you were ready for more."

Me: "Casual fucking sucks. I don't want no parts of casual."

Him: "Well how about--"

Me: "Let me ask you some things. When is your birthday? How old are you? And do you have any kids?"

Him: "I'm a Pisces, I have an eight year old. And I'm 29."

Me: "Oh hell no! I'm over men with kids. I'm over men pushing thirty. And I've been over Pisces' crazy asses since I was 20. I really don't understand why you're still standing here trying to talk to me. Hasn't my bitterness, or my rules, or my cursing turned you off yet?"

Him: "Honestly? No. But if you really aren't interested right now, I guess there's nothing I can do about that, huh?"

Me: "Sad but true. You have a good night."

Michelle and Gloria were cracking up for the next 10 minutes. First, at what I was saying. Second, at the fact that he fit all the things I'd been saying I was "so over'. And third, that he stuck around as long as he did and walked away with a smile on his face.

But at least I got some of my bitterness out.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Another One Bites The Dust

I just re-read my last post which details my beginning with Easy. This post will detail what it probably my ending with him. I know that Libras/Cancers will always crash and burn. It's never not happened in my experience or in the experience of my Libra and Cancer friends. Knowing what was more likely than not coming didn't make it suck any less.

I'm going to write the contents of a text I received from him. The lead up to this text is me going to St. Louis. While there, things went from good to okay to worse. The morning I was supposed to leave, I ended up storming out and driving off without saying goodbye. A bit dramatic, but I couldn't stand to look at him anymore.

Anyways, here's the text: "I can't explain... I'm not in a state to keep hanging with you. I have stronger feelings for someone else. Even after that crap she put me through. I want to keep you around me, but I know right no my heart is somewhere else and that isn't right."

Ouch, right? This is after weeks of telling me how much he likes me and being so overly affectionate. It's my own fault. I should've known better than to think this could end well after the horrible roller coaster. But I did think that. I thought that he was basically asking for me to give him a reason to pick me. I thought we were both casually dating other people and that eventually we'd pick one or the other.

I didn't realize he was working on truly liking more than one person at once. That's probably because he told me more than once he's not that type of guy. I guess I met him during "out-of-my-character-summer." Whatever. My next post should be more humorous. It will detail my plan to get rid of, once and for all, these men who are plaguing my life. I know plague is a strong word. Haven't you been reading and noticing the overly-dramatic tone so far? But I promised Michelle I wasn't gonna buy 8 cats and give up, so I won't. For now.
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