Not Accepting That The Honeymoon Could Be Over

Easy and I have been having some issues lately. I don't want to go into detail, but let's just say they've been big enough where he's questioned more than once whether I would leave him over it.

I think we learned a lot about love and trust and communication in this past week. We learned the actions that match our feelings and words. I was confronted, for the first time, with the depths of my emotion and just what that meant for us as a couple.

After spending years as an emotional dwarf, I've been opening up to Easy about things more and more. Feeling betrayal wasn't something I was prepared to handle. Now that I've been forced to, I honestly feel stronger coming out on the other side of it.

Been tested by fire and emerged stronger. Maybe that means the honeymoon phase is over. Isn't that usually what happens? Reality sets in and suddenly all your fantasies about how things could always be happy float away, like so many hot air balloons.

But I refuse to accept it. Easy certainly wants us to stay in our honeymoon phase forever. I think we can. Knowing that any and every blow to our happiness won't keep us from finding that place again makes me even more confident. Nothing will stop us from looking like this for at least part of every day.

I Have A Wedding Twin

Considering the weekend I'm getting married, I'm sure I'll have tons of wedding twins. There will be a ton of people who spontaneously decide getting married right before Valentine's Day is a good idea.

That's not why Easy and I chose our date, for us it's about beating Mardi Gras with our wedding anniversary every year. But I found my first wedding day twin in the most unusual place: my hair salon.

He is one of my favorite people in the salon. I go in there once a month to get my locs tightened.

That picture can be incredibly vague if you don't know what locs are. I will explain one of these days, but this story is about my wedding twin.

He overheard my talking to my stylist about her being available for my wedding day. He asked my date and told me his date was the same day.

At first I thought he was joking, but he was not. Then we began comparing stories and ideas. The only thing our weddings have in common are the number of guests and the date.

Their wedding date was chosen because it's close to Valentine's Day. Ours was picked in spite of the fact that it's close to Valentine's Day.

But I have to admit I was over the moon about having my first wedding twin.

I loved looking at his pictures, hearing the story of the engagement, and hearing about their wedding colors and florist and cake.

I think we drove everyone else in the shop crazy for about a half hour discussing this stuff. It was my first conversation in person with someone going through what I'm going through with this wedding literally at the same time I was going through it.

And it was awesome!!

Has anyone else had a lovely experience with a wedding twin?

Moving In With Easy

One of my co-workers is working on furnishing her apartment, so she has catalogs from Crate & Barrel and CB2. It got me to thinknig about how Easy and I will be decorating an apartment together soon. We don't have extremely different taste, but we definitely don't have the same taste.

I want our walls covered with things we've collected from our trips to other countries as well as prints or paintings of nature. He wants framed posters of great musicians.

I want shelves and storage for everything. He wants neatly stacked piles.

I want my pink, purple, and black bedroom decorations. He wants his blue and brown decorations.

He wants a fan close by the bed. I want a humidifier close by.

These are not huge hurdles, but they are things we've sorted out from just a couple discussions and a few trips to St. Louis where his current apartment is. I'm sure before it's all said and done, there will be a lot of debating over which decoration/house arrangement works best for both of us.

But the thought of sorting that out had me again thinking of how to approach this subject with my parents. That's for another post though.

I Do Not Care About Wedding Invitations

I read a lot of wedding blogs. I've been doing this since Easy and I first decided on a specific time frame for engagement and marriage. I have been reading for inspiration, for entertainment, and also to pin down exactly what I might want for my own wedding. Something interesting happened in my readings. I not only discovered what I really really wanted (like a dress that's not white), I also discovered the things I definitely couldn't care less about, like wedding invitations.

I mean literally the piece of paper that lets people know the when, where, what, etc. of a wedding. I just don't care. With all of my voracious consuming of wedding blogs, it's quite clear to me that the invitations, and save-the-dates, and place cards, etc. are very low on my list of worries and priorities for planning a wedding.

The ones that have been sent to my parents' house in the last couple of years have been split into two categories: visually appealing and God-awful. I just want something that looks classy and simple, clear cut and precise. I don't want the invitations to chart out the depth of our particular wedding theme.

The perfect solution to my wedding invitation indifference is to make it DIY. I cannot justify spending a ton of money for a fancy invitation that will not mean a thing to me (at least I don't think). Finding a great online invitation, personalizing it, and printing it out on a home computer sounds perfect.

It's actually right up my alley in terms of skill set. I make designs for things all the time. I've done Sunday School brochures for my mom, Youth Department brochures for my church, album covers for Easy's demo. I specialize in simple, clean, and precise. I could totally design our invites and keep them simple and classy and get them done for the price of an online template and printer ink.

As long as Easy likes the idea, this is definitely what we'll be doing. I'm also excited because it's officially my first DIY project. Seeing as how we want a short engagement, the invites (or at least some save-the-dates) would have to go out almost immediately after he puts a ring on my finger. I'm just glad I found a way to make invites more exciting for me. They have to be done. I might as well enjoy it.

More Of My Really Busy Life

I'm picking up right where I left off in my last post. I'll start with Friday to explain about my fabulously busy weekend.


Friday

Friday was a pretty busy day. I had a hair appointment in the morning to get my locs tightened. While I was there, I got a call from a friend. We got close while I was dating her cousin, the Ex. I haven't spoken to him in years, but she and I are still good friends. She called to ask me a favor. I agreed and cancelled my plans to head back to the hospital to do her this favor. I picked up my 9 year old cousin and headed out to St. Charles, IL. They were having a Mary Kay conference there and the Ex's cousin was a part of it. I was to pick up her two boys (ages 4 and 0) and take them to her mother-in-law's house for the weekend. The Ex's cousin was behind schedule and she needed my help. Me and my cousin drove out there, got the boys, and headed back to the city. We were supposed to go to the movies, but that got postponed because of our errand and unexpected traffic. By the time we dropped the boys off, we had to head out to the bowling alley where my league bowls on Friday nights. That night at the bowling alley was amazing. My team, which is in second place, was bowling the first place team. They were ahead of us by 6 pts, the slimmest margin they've had all season. We were excited because if we got all 7 pts (the max a team can get in one night), we would take the lead for the first time this season. There's only three weeks left in the season, so now was the time to make our move. There was only one problem, we never beat them. The most we ever get is 2 pts. But we pulled together and won! They helped by bowling below average and we took first place! It was so exciting because I didn't think it was possible because we've never been able to win all three game against them! So now we just have to maintain for a few weeks. I'm hopeful, but my team has to bowl without me this coming Friday, so I hope it turns out okay.


Saturday
My 9 year old cousin and I made plans to hang out Saturday since our Friday plans didn't work out. But my mother and I had already made a commitment to take my grandmother shopping. So I invited my cousin along for some three-generation style bonding and offered to take her to the movies after. She wanted to go bowling instead, so that was our plan. Of course, my grandmother is the world's slowest shopper. I had no idea of this, but it is true. At the end of it, she had some really nice clothes that were just her style, nice quality, and fit way better than what she had owned since before she lost so much weight. Of course by this time, the day was nearly over. I had to get over to my friends' house to help setup because the husband was throwing the wife a surprise 30th birthday party. I've known the husband forever because we grew up in the same church, and the wife is a welcome addition to our church family. Michelle was expecting me there at like 6. That wasn't even an option by the time we got my cousin back to her house. My mom and I stayed there and hung out with her brother (my uncle) and his family. We chatted and watched movies and played with my cousin's (not the 9 year old) new baby. It was good family time, but by 7:30, I finally got my mother out of there so I could get home and dressed and over to the surprise party. Michelle was heading home to change and so she picked me up and I rode with her over there. We got there with just enough time to spare to set up the last few things and get everyone organized to yell out "Surprise!" when she came to the door. The surprise went well and the party kicked off nice. There was lots of good food, varied drinks, a great cake (tres leche), great music, and pretty enjoyable company. Easy was coming to town because he had a recording session Sunday, so he came up right after his gig on Saturday and came ot the birthday party. Everyone was happy to see him, none more than me of course. I think the last two weeks were the longest we'd been apart since he got back from Europe. We hung out at the party, then left aroud 1 am. There's lots of funny stories from the party, but I'll keep them to myself to protect the guilty, ha ha.


Sunday
I wanted to go to church Sunday, but I was just so tired after the long week I'd had, I just stayed at Easy's house while he went to church. I played with his neices and chatted with his sister. He brought lunch back and his mom got back around the same time. We spent some time with his family until it was time to head up north to go to the recording session. We stopped by my house and hung out with my family while I was getting my stuff together. Then we headed up north. Camille met us up there since she had never heard Easy play and so that she and I could catch up. She didn't get to the surprise party on Saturday til after Easy and I left because she was at a bachelorette party for another church member of ours. She was telling me about the bachelorette party and the craziness that I'd missed by leaving the party early. When Easy started recording we went to listen to him. He sounded amazing, of course. Then Camille had to leave cause she had to go study. I stayed until the end of the session, then Easy and I got right on the road to St. Louis. It was a pretty easy drive and we got back in great time.


Now, I'm just enjoying my time with him before I go to Florida this weekend.

I'm really just so happy that I had so much happen that I literally wasn't home with time to blog. Being that busy makes me excited. I made moves with friends, family, hobbies, and career. I have this huge smile on face.

Even if I don't get a job offer from the interview, even if my team doesn't stay in first place, even if my friends and I don't stay this close with all the changes upcoming in each of our lives, taking steps toward what I want is what is important. Just having tangible proof that all these things are possible is huge for me right now. It's easy to stay hopeful and optimistic when it seems like things are right on the verge of working out better than you could have imagined.

Trying To Have "A Small Wedding"

First, let me explain what's up with the multiple wedding-themed posts. I don't think I come off as a particularly crazy person. I'm not engaged yet, but I will be sooner rather than later (at least that's what Easy keeps telling me).


Since the thought of being engaged and wed and married came up and had such a concrete timeline, I began looking at wedding blogs. I may be fanciful and hopeful and a dreamer, but I'm also a planner and somewhat realistic. Easy and I want a short engagement. That's not a lot of time to sort out all the details required to plan a wedding.


Also, I love blogging. It's my new thing that keeps me sane. One of my favorite wedding blogs, http://www.weddingbee.com/, has bloggers. They choose women that are on their way to getting married and have them post blogs about the process. This is something that I would love to do and therefore am writing on my personal blog with the types of posts I would put on that website, should I be chosen to be a Bee. I am submitting an application at once I get engaged because we will be within the timeline of approaching a wedding they want when selecting new Bees.


I think I have a unique take on the idea of planning a wedding. I certainly don't see a lot of Bees that look like me (I mean African-American). Also, I'm doing wedding planning, with the help of the man I'll be marrying, before we're even engaged. I have a lot of great ideas I'd love to explore and so cross your fingers that they'll choose me! If they do, I'll let you all know how to read everything I post there, in addition to all the other great content on the website.


Something I would definitely discuss is wedding guest number. I have always wanted a small wedding. Some people describe small as 30-50 people. That's not even close to what I mean by small. Easy and I both have a lot of friends, so we're looking at 24 people including us, our wedding party, and our two pastors. Add in immediate family and we're talking another 50. Then close friends and extended family, you know people who hop on planes across state lines to watch you graduate from college, and we're adding another 50 people. This is between the two of us.


Ideally, I'd like a "small" wedding with no more than 120 people. Easy thinks this is feasible, but we're already expanding the list. We talked a lot about who our wedding party would include and since our first conversation about it a week and half ago, we've added two more people each. His family is way bigger than mine and I wanted to use my extra number to invite more friends, but that's a difficult decision too because he'll want his close friends there too.


When it's finally time to sit down and make a firm (ha, I dream of final decisions that stay final) decision of who will receive invites, I already know we'll go above 120. And that will still be our "small wedding." It sounds more reasonable to me when I think of my brother. He and his fiancee were planning a wedding for this August, and they were looking at a couple hundred people. Also, a friend of ours got married last June and their reception had 350 people. They're ceremony had hundreds more. So in the world I come from, 120 is small.


But wedding size a big detail. The number of people will directly affect our overall budget. I'm excited and also a bit afraid to see how it will turn out. I don't want a big wedding budget and the number of people will blow that budget right out into the stratosphere if we're not lucky. Easy and I aren't very private people, so we've shared with our family and close friends (and even not-so-close friends) the situation.


The main reaction has been, "wow, that's a lot to have planned out to that much detail already!" I think they think we're completely crazy. But Easy and I don't listen. Being engaged for less than a year doesn't leave much time to sort out all those issues, so we're starting now. My mother recently told me that she and my father did the same thing. They were planning out the details of their wedding and marriage before they were officially engaged.


I know it's a leap of logic to make this assumption, but they've been married 32 years, so they must have done something right. And in just a couple more posts, I'll be used to discussing our discussions about this eventual wedding and will stop apologizing for it. Probably.

Baby-sitting An Entire Family

I've got a number of posts that are just sitting in drafts waiting to be finished and posted. It has been an eventful last seven days. But Easy requested I finally finish and post this one, so I'm skipping a few and getting right to this one. The other's can wait.


There's only one kid in my family that needs baby sitting. It's my younger cousin's baby son, whom I haven't actually met yet. So it's safe to say I'm not referring to him when I say I baby-sat an entire family. Of course, I'm talking about Easy's family. Last weekend, Easy was out of town, but most of the women in his family weren't. That mean someone had to take care of their children.


The oldest of Easy's nieces who live in the Chicago area is 19 years old. She's in college, but was home for that weekend. She agreed to watch the kids. That included an 11 year old, two 4 year olds, and a 1 year old. I had only met the 11 and 4 years olds, so I was glad to be around for a bit to spend some time with them. I expected to see them for a bit before Easy and I headed out, but that's not at all what happened.


I got there last Friday afternoon to spend some time with Easy before we headed up to Hyde Park (one of my favorite neighborhoods in Chicago) to meet one of his friends and that friend's girlfriend for an early dinner. Then we were supposed to head to the bowling alley for my league bowling night. Then we were either gonna go out again or just hang out the two of us. I was gonna head back home and get up the next day to have a girls' day with my mom. None of it happened as expected.


Almost right after I got to Easy's parent's house, the oldest niece shows up with the smallest three. Then she had to go pick up the 11 year old which left the bottom three with us. But then Easy had to get in the shower, so it was just me. The two 4 year olds (who are twins) were fascinated with the baby and interested in playing with her with no concept of how not to be too rough on the baby. All of them are friendly and patient so it was fun, if nerve wracking. Easy gets out of the shower and starts to get dressed.


I was so glad to see him because I figured he could help me split up the kids so I didn't have to watch the 1 year old while trying to make sure the 4 years olds were being safe and not about to crush the 1 year old. He was setting up the gate on the steps and the four year old decided to watch television in the back room. They demanded that the 1 year old join them. She followed them back there but quickly got bored and left the room. One of the 4 year olds chased her to get her to come back, but quickly over took her. The 1 year old tripped and long story short, the 1 year old ended up sliding face first into the side of a china cabinet and bleeding out of her nose.


The doctor training in me came out and I checked  her over. No broken bones, no excessive bleeding, no mouth trauma, just a hurt face and feelings. We cleaned the area, hugged her, warned the 4 year olds about chasing the not-yet-toddler, and resumed our day. The 1 year old decided it was piano time. I sat her down on Easy's parents' piano and this baby was a GENIUS on the piano. One years old and able to do things that most people can't do at any point in their lives. She was playing individual notes and singing them back perfectly on pitch. When I noticed what she was doing, I started playing notes, and she would play the same note in a different octave and sing it. Easy began playing songs that he plays for his kids (he's an elementary school music teacher) and she was singing along. Not real words, she's too young to talk, but she can mumble along in the right key. And she can clap and play in a rhythm that matches what you just did.


I was amazed. I've only ever seen one small child do anything close to that and that kid was almost 3! Easy called his sister (the 1 year old's grandmother) and some other family members and had them listen on the phone to what she was doing. That baby is a virtuoso! So amazing.


We finally left when the two older nieces returned and were late to dinner. When we go to the restaurant, without my bowling ball, we were in the middle of an argument, and the friend wasn't there. We didn't have time to eat barely as it was and the friend was at a freaking car wash. We had to take a rain check and headed back south to get my bowling ball. The argument didn't get any better so we took a break from each other and I went bowling by myself.


While I was bowling, we working out the argument via text messaging. I love that he and I can't argue for long. We're both solutions people, so we spend more time working out a solution than we do arguing back and forth for the sake of arguing. But after bowling, I headed back to Easy's parents' house. The kids were all down and Easy and I talked and finished out our solution to whatever the argument was about.


But then the 1 year old woke up. She wasn't happy about spending the night in a strange house and Easy went and got her out of the bed. I was helping him get her to calm down. We walked, we rocked in the rocking chair, we spoke in soothing voices. And because he's practically a narcoleptic after 11 pm, I took over when he fell asleep. I ended up falling asleep cuddling her in Easy's bed while he slept in the rocking chair in the basement. When I awoke the next morning, she was sleeping peacefully. I do like a baby that can sleep a whole night as long as she's comfortable.


Easy was talking a lot about how nurturing I was with the baby on Friday afternoon, night and Saturday morning. I really enjoyed spending time with the kids and it was funny to me after that because kept touching my stomach. I would push his hand away and say, "stop plotting on my uterus!" It made him laugh and made me chuckle. I'm glad that we're on the same page when it comes to our future. We're sure we want to get married and start a family together. But we agree that kids are at least three to four years away. So no plotting on my uterus!


I would say more about the kids, like watching the 11 year old roller blade, and trying to help the 19 year old mature and get around the city without a GPS, but this post is getting too long. I will just end with this statement. I'm so glad the1 year old is Easy's god daughter. I am so looking forward to being a big part of her life and helping her hone her piano skills. I promise that girl is a natural! She's gonna be great.

The Things I Know For Sure About My Wedding

I know I'm not engaged yet. So what. Easy and I have been making our own rules up to this point, so why stop now? I am at this moment giving myself permission to dream about, and plan for, the future which will be here shortly.

We have discussed what we want in terms of wedding party and guest list. But I have a confession to make. Ever since his comment about Mardi Gras, I've been paying more attention to wedding blogs. I can't quite bring myself to purchase a wedding magazine yet, so blogs are my way of looking into this without (hopefully) going completely wedding crazy. The following is what I know so far about my preferences for a wedding.

I don't want to get married in a church though I do want my pastor to do the wedding. And Easy's pastor should be there too. I've seen ceremonies that are interfaith that have two people officiating a wedding. I think it's not that odd to have two people over a wedding even though they don't come from different faiths.



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I want all my bridemaids' dresses to be different, but not so different that they blend in with the rest of the wedding dresses. I love all the dresses I've seen on different websites, but the ones that are too different just look like they're doing too much to me. I want all my brides to have the same color dress, but with different patterns that flatter their body type and a length appropriate for the weather of the season of the wedding.

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I don't want a traditional dress for me or tux for Easy. He has amazing taste in suits, so I know he'll come up with something great for the men in the wedding party. We saw this great suit idea at the mall one day, and he loved it, and I knew whatever he came up with would be fantastic. I wish I could have found it online, but I found something that conveyed the same sense of style. For me, a traditional white gown just wouldn't do. I need some pattern or color. I'll hold off on too much description until I start dress shopping and am able to determine that what I want is available.





Source #1 Source #2

 I don't want to be bullied into inviting people to my wedding that I haven't already decided I want there. I think that's self-explanatory. Expanding a guest list for people that have to come is fine, but going way over budget so someone's feelings won't get hurt is not something I can even begin to care about.

I want a feeling of nature at my wedding. I'm talking tons of flowers, and maybe leaves and branches too. I love the feeling of being outside. And if we are going to get married in the winter, I have to have that sense of outside brought indoors.



Source

I want the music and food to be amazing. Seriously, food, music, and flowers will be the bulk of the wedding planning and cost. I have been to so many weddings where the meal was banquet roast chicken with mashed potatoes and string beans and a choice of water or iced tea. That's fine for some people, but I care waaaay too much about food to let that happen at my own wedding. Also, since Easy is a musician, getting amazing music from a live band/DJ will be no problem.

That's pretty much it for the wedding planning up til now. I have a lot of great ideas, and for me, keeping track of my preferences is the only way to not go completely crazy and forget my ability to make concrete decisions I won't regret later.

Mardi Gras Versus Exercising And Other Topics

Yesterday was quite a day for me. After getting up at 6:30 am, I was all pumped for the next 24 hours, which included hanging out with one of Easy's friends and his girl, a Mardi Gras celebration, and running again this morning at 6:30 am. But of course, plans never work out like they're supposed to. Thanks God Easy and I are flexible people.


I went with Easy to this high school he volunteers at working with the band in East St. Louis. I don't know what you readers may know about that city, but if you ever find yourself there, you should prolly head back out on the nearest expressway. I'm only slightly exaggerating. I've spent a considerable amount of time there because one of my best friends, Lion, is from there.


Easy's friend who we were supposed to hang out with last night lives there too. He flaked on us for some reason (who really cares?), but we'll probably see him at some point this week. I wasn't upset about it since Easy and I always seem to get into a fight when we're around his friends. This is just a "his friends problem. Not family and none of my people. I wrote a post about I'll publish at some point in the future. I'm actually looking forward to spending time with this guy and his girl so I can test my theory that we only fight when it's new friends. We've thus far never hung out with one of his friends more than once, except his nephew, but that's family too, so it doesn't count.


But even without Easy's friend, we headed out to celebrate Mardi Gras St. Louis style. It's interesting, they have all the gold, green, and purple decorations plus beads and New Orleans style food one could want. And if you are okay with St. Louis Cardinals jerseys everywhere, it's pretty much the same mix of drunk white people, jazz, and happiness. As far as I know, there's no version of Bourbon Street here though, lol. We didn't go to the parade because of the rain and the cold. It was supposed to be in the upper 50s, but it never warmed up to that point.


We did go to the Broadway Oyster Bar by ourselves. There was live music. Easy knew the trumpet player and he was amazing. The food was great. As soon as we walked in, I smelled grilled burgers and knew that's what I was eating. And they had a New Orleans menu for dessert, so that meant bread pudding. That's been my new dessert of choice the last couple of restaurants I've gone to. And we also had a couple of drinks. We danced and laughed and had a really good time. I was glad we were there by ourselves because then we didn't have to spend time getting to know other people.


We left to go bar hopping and quickly found that idea would not work based on cost, location, and how tired we both were. I'm not old! I just was ready to go home at like 10 pm. We had been up for a long time. But we didn't go to bed. we stopped at the store on the way home and decided to finally Rent RED (and watch it) and got a bottle of my favorite wine, Chateau Ste. Michelle Riesling. We watched the movie and drank the wine and were in bed sleep before 1 am. Again, I'm not old, but we were just tired!


I suggested we make plans for next year to truly enjoy what St. Louis had to offer for Mardi Gras. I had a lot of fun out and wanted to do more exploring. I wanted Easy to promise me we'd try out hardest to be in St. Louis for Mardi Gras next year. His reply? "We'll probably be married by this time next year, so we'll be together where ever we are." I was shocked. He and I talk about our futures a lot. There's even a running joke about an engagement ring made out of Lucky Charms. But to make it so concrete was a surprise to me.


It seems like when it comes to taking that next big step, every time Easy has to stop and think on it and plan it, it becomes less about the romance and the reality of the future, and more about not rushing things. I don't care about "rushing". I care about him and making our own rules and doing what fits for us. I think I said that way back in August. Yup, just found the post. Back then the rules were to just be us without a title, and now, less than seven months later, the rules have drastically changed. But as long as the rules still work for the two of us, I say let's go with that.


I don't know what exactly is going to happen in our immediate future, but I'm glad we're discussing the possibilities and not imposing limitations. And I'm glad we can work together for solutions to any problems. The latest solution? Well, we didn't go running this morning. Drinking an entire bottle of wine at 11 o'clock at night tends to make one lethargic the next morning. Easy suggested we go running when he gets off work. It's not my ideal plan for when to run, but it was his suggestion in the first place. So we'll be running this afternoon/evening. He has turned me into a person who not only accepts compromise, but I'm starting to thrive on it. As soon as there's a disagreement, I'm itching to find a middle ground. Weird.

I Actually Got What I Asked For, I Think

I wrote a recent rant-y post about how when in a relationship, you should be the PR person for your significant other. The people in your life have their opinions shaped by what they know. And they only know what you tell them or they witness.

By that reasoning, it's important to help along positive opinions that aren't naturally inclined to be positive. For example, Easy's mother is not naturally inclined to like me. She does naturally like me, but when you factor in that I've got long-term designs on her son, things start to get into a gray area.

But Easy came through. I think. Before my rant-y post was even published a few days after I wrote it, he had fixed part of the problem with his mother. At least the part where she was treating me like I was a temporary addition. I know that type of behavior, it's how I treated all my brother's girlfriends until the fiancee came along. When things appear different, you respond differently.

Easy talked to his mother and requested a different response. There is a plan in place for her and one of his sisters, along with my mother and father to all join together for one of Easy's gigs. That will be the perfect opportunity for Easy's mother to be better and maybe focus on the fact that she just genuinely likes me for who I am. Plus, if she doesn't, my mother will have a bitch fit.

Not that my mother is worried. She has no idea that I'm having any issues with Easy's mother. Why? Because I do good PR. I want her to have a completely open mind when she meets his mother. But my mom hates is when she feels like one of her babies is being treated unfairly, and she's got a precision radar for that shit.

But I think it will be fine. Put a whole bunch of nice people together and things will end well. Yeah. Moving on. The reason I wrote this post is to express how nice it is that the guy I'm with actually fixed a problem. A problem I thought was a problem but he didn't actually got fixed! That's new and I like it!

I don't want to keep having problems. But I definitely want to keep dating Solutions Guy. That totally goes on Easy's relationship resume. You know, that list of skills and attributes that makes a person date-worthy. As this post has taken a turn for the sappy, I'm stopping here.

In A Relationship, One Of Your Most Important Jobs Is PR

Disclaimer: [I know Easy reads every blog post I put up. But I promised I wouldn't change what I was writing just because he was reading it. So this is a rant-y post that ordinarily I wouldn't share with him. But at least it makes me a better communicator because I want to give him the less rant-y talk version of posts like this before he reads them...]

I thought that was common knowledge, but I was wrong. It is not something Easy knows. The people in my life have the highest opinion of him, even knowing what happened back in August. But his people, have a... realistic opinion of me.

The last time I was in St. Louis, I was sick. Easy told me he'd take care of me and he didn't. I had the most terrible sore throat and I felt he was doing such a horrible job as a caretaker that I didn't/couldn't say much to him. Then his mother called one morning after I was talking again (and had resigned myself to taking care of myself).

"Is ole girl talking to you again?" That's what she said. In case you don't speak Ebonics, let me translate.

"Is that girl whose name I can't be bothered to remember still ignoring my precious baby who deserves nothing but adoration and love? What's wrong with her? I need you to understand from my tone that this whole situation reflects badly upon her and she is the only one I see at fault."

I wondered what in the hell Easy had told his mother to make her come to the conclusion that I was somehow neglecting him. I was the one who was sick and un-taken-care-of. And to my face, I am always called by my name. But when she thought I was at home while he was on his way to work, suddenly, I was "ole girl."

The only reason this has come up in my mind again is because of a conversation Easy and I were having about our possible future. I told him about the conversation I had with my mom about the possibility of forever and how it quickly devolved into mother-of-the-bride-zilla. I asked if he had had a conversation with his mom about the possibility of forever and he said, "yeah, I mean she knows you're my girlfriend and she knows we have discussed living together and she knows I like you."

Um, not the same thing. Not even close. I'm not saying Easy is a momma's boy, but he's damn close. And if he hasn't talked to his mom about this stuff, there's no chance in my mind that it could actually be real. His mom certainly knew the whole reasoning behind him picking that other chick over me back in August.

Which brings me to my main point. Public Relations. That is your job when you are in a relationship, especially the early stages. The people in your life only see that person through your prism until enough time has passed to form their own opinions. My mother certainly would never refer to Easy as "ole boy".

Easy sometimes does a really good job of being a great PR person. He just usually does it to people who are already on board with our relationship. Be a PR person for the skeptical mother, just like you would for the couple whose wedding we met at. Is that so much to ask? Seriously, I thought this was common knowledge.

Helping Out Family, It's My Reponsibility

I recently posted about my responsibilities here in Chicago. One of those responsibilities is doing things for my family.  The post was a rant about being expected to go grocery shopping for my grandmother. I vented and accepted my fate of having to grocery shop with my mother.

I agreed to wake up early Saturday morning to go shopping.Well, that is not what happened. My mother went to my grandmother's house the night before to take care of the paperwork for her taxes that need to be filed soon. She told her that she would be back in the morning for her grocery list. My father was there as a witness to this very clear statement that was said at least twice.

But when my mother called my grandmother in the morning, she was told my mother didn't feel like getting up and giving us a grocery list. Also, it was snowing and she didn't want us to have to drive all the way over there and then do the shopping and then have to be back over there. Plus, my mother should have been thinking and gotten the list Friday night.

Well, that is complete craziness for a number of reasons. First, when my mother mentioned needing the grocery list on Friday evening, my grandmother told her it wasn't ready yet and she would have it by Saturday morning. Second, we always have to drive over there to do anything. That's what happens when people live 20-25 minutes away from each other. Travelling is built into the equation. Third, The snow that is falling are the light fluffy pretty snowflakes that small children dream make their way to the ground on Christmas morning. Seriously, there's about 1/2 cm of snow on the ground.

The only legitimate part of what my grandmother said is that she doesn't feel well. The waning energy is something she struggles with, especially recently. She has a much less active lifestyle than she used to. Also, her diet doesn't provide her with energy-rich foods. And her sleep cycle has been all crazy since she retired. So it's a vicious downward cycle/spiral that makes it difficult for her to summon energy and rally when she doesn't feel well.

I really do care about my crazy Grandmother. I want her to be taken care of. But it sucks when her being taken care of feels like warfare on my sense of logic and my desire to be on my own schedule. I figured I'd have to do some random shopping for her this week, and that's exactly what happened. My father as I were at Jewel Tuesday night searching for something I'd never heard of before. And neither had the manager at Jewel. But at least I went looking for her. And while we were there, we did some shopping for the house while we were there.

Back From Oblivion

I've been MIA. I have no better explanation than I just didn't feel like blogging.

It happens. Not to all people, but to some.

But now I'm back. I'll be back on Creating Things tomorrow. I'm just going to pick up where I left off. I am at day seventeen I believe.

What have I been up to in the time I was missing?

Romantic Life

Things with Easy and I are going great. Better than ever. Somehow, it still feels like we're in the middle of our honeymoon phase. I don't know how long it's supposed to last, but it's still lasting.

We are still learning things about each other, which is always interesting. Compromise is the name of the game when it comes to us.

We are talking about the future. Our future plans for ourselves don't exactly lead in the same direction, so we're seeing about making the paths line up a bit more.

Family Life

Things are pretty good with my family. My parents and I always get along great. I'm sure they will be happier when both their grown-ass children are gainfully employed and living not in their house. I'm working on it.

My brother and I still have a non-existent relationship. Eh, whatever.

My cousins and I still aren't that close, but I'm working on it. It's hard to come up with a group effort to act like a family when you weren't raised with that idea, but I'm thinking it will become easier once we are all adults.

Friends Life

My friends are still my awesome friends.

Having so many close friends in stable, serious relationships is a new thing for me. But I think as the months pass, we're getting better at maintaining our friendships in this new world where all our free time isn't our own.

I'm just thankful that I like all the significant others of my friends.

And my friends are all also making big strides in their career choices. Great for them. The biggest change (in terms of its effects on me) comes from  

We had plans to move in together once she graduated this spring. But now she's staying there for another year to get a graduate degree. It's really a great choice for her. She gets to skip GRE crap and application processes and long grad programs.

But it really changes the short-term plan I had for my life. This has to do with what I was talking about Easy earlier trying to make our paths line up better. But I'll talk more about that in a later post.

Career Life

I had intentions to apply to grad school to start this fall. I've been talking to Easy and Top and Lion about how I really don't want to start grad school just yet. But in the absence of a job, it seemed like the best choice.

I have to get ready to do things like sign up for the GRE etc in the next few weeks. But for what Easy and I have been discussing, it makes those decisions all the more important.

But I am still applying for jobs and hope something comes up soon so I'm not just floating out in a unemployment abyss.

Hobbies Life

There's not much new to report here. I'm still bowling in my league (and improving every week). I'm still wishing I would spend more time reading/writing, working on gardening, playing the piano, etc.

I have finally figured out my hobbies roadblock. I guess I feel like it's wrong somehow to be spending so much time doing things that are just for me when I'm not contributing anything to my future.

If I spend hours in a day applying for jobs and getting nowhere, I feel like I shouldn't spend my evenings relaxing. What would I need downtime for? I haven't done anything that needs relaxing from.

But I'm working on not having that mindset because it's a bit self-destructive. I need to have something I can count on, even if it's not having a job to get up and go to each morning.

So yeah, that's the basic recap. It's good to be back blogosphere.

Easy Missing His Plane Is My Fault

That is, according to my mother, it's my fault.

I hesitated to tell her the story because she jumps to negative conclusions rather easily and I didn't want to give her any reason to think poorly of Easy.

It may seem extreme, but my mom holds on to her negative opinions harder than she holds onto her positive ones.

But I told her anyway. I had to.

When my parents got home from their Weight Watchers meeting, they were confused why I was at home.

So I explained what happened.

After saying that Easy reminds her of my father with the whole "lack of attention to detail" thing, she told me I could have fixed this.

She says I should have called Geneva, Switzerland to his hotel to check on his flight status.

The time he told me on the phone the last time we spoke was different from the time on the e-mail he forwarded me with his flight info.

My mom thinks I should have reached out to him to clear up the discrepancy.

I couldn't have just e-mailed him because this last hotel he was at didn't have wifi.

Considering the hundreds of dollars he paid to switch his flight to tomorrow morning, she thinks a $10 phone call would've have been better.

I was a bit flabbergasted that the conclusion she drew was that this was my fault. But I was also kind of tickled.

In my defense, Easy mixes stuff up a lot. He really doesn't pay attention to detail.

But I don't worry too much about the big stuff because it's not like he misses bill payments or work deadlines or family functions.

This was a lesson learned. Airplane flights, even ones that cross oceans, are not "big stuff".

So why was I tickled? Because she really likes Easy. Or at least she likes what she knows about him so far.

She was quick to blame me rather than him. It's not that I feel like she should have blamed him.

It's just that I thought she would, only to find that she blames me.

Lesson learned. Next time Easy has a trans-Atlantic flight, I will make a $10 phone call to be sure that the time he thinks his flight leaves is the actual time it leaves.

And Then There Were Two

I was stressing out last night because I was contacted by Easy who was telling me everything I've ever wanted to hear from a man who is interested in me. But there is so much skepticism because of how horribly things ended between us.

So what could possibly make this worse? The guy who I haven't named reached out to me again today. The conclusion I had drawn that things were over between us because we really wanted different things was apparently not the conclusion he had drawn.

I spent a good portion of my day responding to text messages from both Easy and Leo. Yes, he finally gets a name, and it's going to be Leo. I was having my head spinning and feeling a number of feelings.

I thought things were over with Leo, which altered completely my reaction to Easy. And because I'm still off balance on my reaction to what Easy had to say, I basically had a non-reaction to Leo popping back up.

But this is what I know: I just had a conversation with two men in the last week about the possibilities of our future romantic possibilities. I cannot date two men at once. I would be furious with either of them if they were talking to someone else.

I feel like I should tell each guy about the other. But that doesn't seem like the best idea because I may decide I want nothing to do with Easy tomorrow and then telling Leo would be pointless. Or I could decide the same about Leo and then bringing him up to Easy would be pointless. I'm just so confused.

I want to be in a healthy and happy relationship. Having two men who could theoretically fill that want was not part of the deal. It's one thing to casually date more than one person. It's something entirely different to have emotional involvement with more than one man. I think I'll be able to figure out things more clearly once my head stops spinning. At least I hope.

One piece of good news is that I didn't have a cynical dream last night. I just dreamed about the work I'm doing at church. That work at the church is going really well. If I can ever stop tripping over these men, I can write about that because it is an important part of my life and the life I'm building for myself.

I do feel a bit closer to having the healthy happy relationship that I want. I guess part of me thinks I'll end up exploring the possibilities with one of these guys. Hell, I don't know.

Countdown to the life I want: 3 years, 11 months, 15 days.

A Researcher Of Life I Call Myself, And So Shall I Be

I've been thinking a lot about the life I want to have. Earlier this year, I went through a massive overhaul of the life I'd been building for myself. I left medical school, I moved back home with my parents, and I expanded my list of friends and hobbies.

I decided I didn't want to be a doctor anymore, so that meant figuring out what it is I want to do with my life. I can't really imagine myself as a stay-at-home mother. I'm a bit too career-minded for that. I could maybe do it until a kid starts kindergarten, but it wouldn't be a life decision for me, so I have to figure out my career.

I also want to be married. Eventually. So I need to be in a position to be ready for that when the right man comes along.

I like the idea of having a full life, so that means relationships with friends and family as well as hobbies/volunteering. So for now on, my blog is going to be about this. I just turned 26 eleven days ago. So I think I'm going to give myself until age 30 to get it together and have the life I want. I think I can guarantee that I'll have all the parts, except of course the husband part. The husband part depends on more than just me after all.

What exactly do I want by age 30? I want to have a Master's degree and be working in the career path I see myself advancing in until I retire. I'd like to be with the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. I'd like to have a closeness with my friends that comes from the depth of true friendship. I'd like to be working on my interests. I'd like to be doing volunteer work that really enriches the lives of others. I'd like to have the body I want and the healthy diet and exercise schedule that will ensure a healthy life.

I'm usually a very happy person, so having all these different parts won't make me happier, but it will make me more satisfied that I'm reaching my full potential. And I've got 3 years, 11 months, and 19 days to make it happen.

Birthday Planning

If I get asked one more time, "you're planning your own party?!" I'm going to have a bitch fit! It's not like the people asking me this question were offering to take over the planning anyway.

Why can't I plan my own party? And it's not just my party, it's Michelle's party and Bad's party too. No one is throwing me a party, all my close friends either share my birthday or live in a different state.

And every other year I've planned my own party. It'd be nice to have someone plan something for me, but I like what I like and it's just easier to do it myself than to give someone a long list of things to do. Too much middle man.

I'm having so much fun sorting out the details with Michelle and Bad. We're gonna have so much fun together bringing in the beginning or end of our mid-20s. But whatever, it's time for a birthday wish list.

1. Family Dinner - I always have a dinner with my family on my birthday. And it's always awesome. I love my family. It's been interesting this year trying to talk my parents into eating somewhere other than Salads R Us. I still have another week to make it happen.

2. Romantic Dinner - I've never celebrated my birthday with someone I was dating and left it with nothing but good memories. The closest I've come is a memory tainted with the understanding that I was going to break up with him in the near future.

3. Awesome Party With My Friends - Being out dancing and having fun with the people I kick it with here in Chicago would be the highlight of my birthday. Well, not the highlight, but the most universally-fun part.

4. Shopping - I haven't been shopping in sooo long. Buying a great party dress and maybe some great boots for the fall/winter will bring a smile to my face as well.

5. No unwelcome birthday wishes - I've recently dismissed some people from my life and I would love to make it through my birthday without hearing from them. There's a reason we don't speak and my birthday is not a good time to reconnect.

Feeling Like I'm Starting From Scratch

I wrote a series of posts a short while ago about what I've learned about myself this summer. Now that summer is coming to an end, upon further reflection, I feel like I've taken steps back. It's just on reflection of the things that matter to me about my life, not in any real order.

Family: I have a non-existent relationship with a number of family members, but I don't even want to get into that. But as far as my parents go, there's always this juxtaposition of our two relationships. There's the first part where we hang out all the time and enjoy each other's company. Then there's the other side where they know absolutely nothing about my life right now. They could probably tell you who my friends are. But they can't tell you what man I'm interested in. They don't know my career goals. They don't know what jobs I've been applying for. They probably think I haven't been applying for jobs. I think it sucks, but I don't know how to make them care about something they feel so unhappy about.

Friends: I'm back to ground zero. Yes, I've been working on strengthening friendships this summer. But now that September is here, it just feels like no progress. Top, Lion, and Noni all live in different states and are kept pretty busy between work/school/romance. Bad has been busy with Jordan since she moved to Chicago, and Sonny is always busy with Cher since they got engaged. Michelle has gone back to school, Camille has started law school, and Gloria is always busy with her boyfriend and/or son. I literally have no one I can call up when I feel like hanging out. Which leads me to my other concerns for myself during this self-pity-party.

Career: I wish I had a career to be concerned about so I would be busy too and it wouldn't matter that my friends and family don't have the time to be concerned about me at a moment's notice. I had a career and I walked away from it. Every time I think about it, I still feel like it was the best decision ever. It's just really frustrating that I can't find a job. I've been applying for all types of jobs, in my exact career path and out. It's harder than I thought to find a research job. I figure it must just be that I am not looking in the right places. But all I can do is keep putting in the work to make it happen.

Romance: I don't even wanna think about all the ways my love life has gone wrong in the last number of years. I want to have someone I can go on dates with, watch movies with, try new things with. I want that to be a person I like kissing who doesn't have any limitations on our potential. But unfortunately, I can't get Easy out of my head. So for now I'm screwed. But I can at least count on my tendency to not keep feelings for a person. The only difference this time is I haven't had the desire to distract myself with the company of another man. But I'm sure that will come with time. I have these moments where I don't want anyone else, but they never last. I will be fine soon based on my past.

Myself: Who I am as a person is not an accident. I make a point of being myself, but I do make edits as necessary to be a better person when the occasion strikes me. But I'm having a problem right now because I can't think of anything I want to change. I know of some flaws, some pretty big ones. I'm hyper-critical. I curse too much. I'm too rigid about things I don't have enough experience with. I sleep too much. But am I going to change these things? I'm just a bit concerned that I don't feel the need for self-improvement, I always feel that need.

I just feel off lately and I don't know how to fix it. It's just not like me to be aware of so many problems and not know (or have the desire) to fix it. But, I never stay down for long, it's one of my favorite things about myself. So I will just wait for the doldrums to go away. Did I use that word correctly? Doldrums?