Maxwell Songs Are Playing On Repeat In My Head

I'm having an issue with trying to go with the flow when it comes to Easy. I've been saying that I'm not a go-with-the-flow kind of person. But the fact remains that I keep attracting men who don't know what they want. For now, I want Easy. I don't want PT, I don't want anyone. I don't even want to pick up some random guy in an attempt to distract myself. I'm unfortunately into this guy in a way I haven't been in a while. We'll see how long it lasts. My interest in men seems to be directly correlated to how long I've known them. A very small number of men (two to be exact) have been lucky enough to have my feelings for them grow over time instead of fade. I still miss the Ex and I still miss the First. Don't get me wrong, I don't have crazy ideas about still being with either one, but the fact remains, they made a lasting effect on me.

Back to these Maxwell songs. I keep playing "Love You" and "You're The Only One I Want" in my head. If you don't know those songs, you need to listen to them, they're amazing. I usually have a running soundtrack in my head for my life, but this time it's just irritating me because it's not the reality of my situation. Easy just moved to St. Louis for at least one school year. St. Louis. Where his very recent ex-girlfriend lives. He's feels incredibly antsy about long-distance relationships. I'm feeling antsy about a relationship in general.

One thing is slightly different with him than with previous guys who I've been in similar situations with. While he's definitely doing the I-don't-know-what-I-want thing, he's not using that as an excuse to pull back away from me. We talk very often, and even though he's super busy, that doesn't stop him from including me in his world.

So for now, I'm waiting to see what will happen. It won't be long before my giving him time to get settled expires. At that point, I'll let him know I don't like limbo and won't stand for it. I want us to make our own rules. I don't want/need a boyfriend right now. I just want what he and I have been sharing since we met Fourth of July weekend. We have fun and laugh so much together. We share our passions and open up to each other with ease. There is an undeniable chemistry that I don't want to let go of. But I don't want that obligation and requirement to constantly consider how everything you do will affect another person. I just hope he's ready for that conversation sooner rather than later. Otherwise, I'll be back to the drawing board, wondering why it didn't work out with a guy, yet again.