Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Applying For Jobs Is Suddenly A Dizzying Matter

So, I spend hours of many of my days applying for jobs. I try not to talk about it too much because the shit is depressing. It's been almost a year, and still nothing. But I keep persevering because I can't live off my parents forever. My old ass needs a source of income.

But things have changed now. I'm not just applying for jobs in Chicago with dreams of moving to Hyde Park or Lincoln Park or Wicker Park. I'm applying for jobs in St. Louis with dreams of moving to downtown St. Louis, or U-City or Clayton.

So now the question is, which dream do I follow more carefully? How do I split up my time applying for jobs? If St. Louis is really the tentative plan, why am I still applying for jobs in Chicago?

These are questions that racked my brain earlier today as I was pulling up links to websites for jobs in both Chicago and St. Louis. I started thinking about the possibilities of job interviews for really great jobs that sounded like exactly what I would want to spend my time doing.

But it's different now. With the tentative plan of moving to St. Louis, imagining interviewing for jobs in Chicago only seems like I'm postponing my plans with Easy. I know if I got a job here and lived here until next year when it was time to plan for grad school, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Easy and I would be okay, the long distance wouldn't kill us.

But then I think of how much I would love to find a great job and a great apartment in Clayton. Clayton really is the top of my list for areas I'd like to live in now. Even if Easy and I don't live together in St. Louis, and I have a job there, Clayton is the area I'd pick.

But then I think of all the time I spend with my family here. The life I've built for myself here in Chicago since coming back from med school is nice. I spend so much time working with the kids and teenagers of my church. It's not like they can't survive without me, but I had plans. My pastor and I were going to work together on putting together a medical clinic that serves my community. That dream is either going to have to wait or move to a different person.

There's just so much to think about. And there is a part of me that doesn't want to have to choose. So I guess I'm just not going to choose. I'm going to let the employers decide. Today, I applied for a slightly higher number of St. Louis jobs than Chicago jobs. Because right now, I'd rather be headed there than stuck here.

With the exception of a few people who have found career success (or something like it), most people I know in my age range start to feel like Chicago isn't really the land of opportunity. They feel stifled here like they can't really spread their wings. That feeling has been growing inside me for a while. I'm sure it wouldn't feel so bad if I wasn't living with my parents though. But now I truly understand why so many people want to fly the coop and try their luck elsewhere.

But I'm still applying for jobs in Chicago, especially since my going to St. Louis (something I said I'd never do by the way) isn't set in stone yet. I'm just applying for more jobs in St. Louis. I will go where the work is. If someone chooses to interview me, that's where I'll be. I can't wait to unload my storage unit. And I don't care if I'm taking my stuff across state lines. I just want to be employed.

0 New Hypotheses:

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