Monday, September 6, 2010

Being Bitter Against The Opposite Gender

So in an effort to not admit complete defeat and give up and by eight cats, I came up with another plan. I decided I would still embrace my bitter. I would expose my bitterness all over some unsuspecting man. I have been blessed to be able to attract men pretty much where ever I go. But this was going to be a problem seeing as how I am anti-party for now (met PT at a Halloween party; met Easy at a wedding reception).

But my girl Michelle is in town for Labor Day weekend, so of course we had to go out. She went to a party thrown by R Kelly on Friday. I'm not saying anymore about that except to say that I wanted to parts of anything to do with R Kelly, so we didn't go out til Saturday. Camille didn't join us cause she has to split up her limited time now that she's a law student (sooo proud of her). But our other friend, who I'll call Gloria, came with us.

We couldn't decide on a place to go, so we ended up going to and leaving Tantrum, Plush, Club Rednofive, and then finally just going to Bar Louie and having a Sex and the City moment with martinis (though I never saw them getting down on loaded fries and buffalo wings).

But when we were leaving Plush this man stopped me by grabbing my hand. This is a brief summary of our conversation.

Him: "Wow, we are matching from head to toe, except for the pink purse. We should really stop and talk to each other.

Me: "Oh wow, we are matching. white shoes and all. You didn't have to mention the purse though. It was a given, I'd hope."

Him: "But no, you're really something. We need to be talking right now."

Me: "Let me save you from yourself. I just got out of a thing and I'm really not in a good place. It won't end well for you."

Him: "But I'm not him, you gotta be able to separate that."

Me: "Oh, but I can't. You know resolution? The ability to see two points as different? Yeah, I've got no skills in that area right now. Seriously... Run."

Him: "Nah, I can't run away from you. Maybe we could just be friends."

Me: "I have enough friends. And I don't want anymore."

Him: "Well, we could just speak casually until you were ready for more."

Me: "Casual fucking sucks. I don't want no parts of casual."

Him: "Well how about--"

Me: "Let me ask you some things. When is your birthday? How old are you? And do you have any kids?"

Him: "I'm a Pisces, I have an eight year old. And I'm 29."

Me: "Oh hell no! I'm over men with kids. I'm over men pushing thirty. And I've been over Pisces' crazy asses since I was 20. I really don't understand why you're still standing here trying to talk to me. Hasn't my bitterness, or my rules, or my cursing turned you off yet?"

Him: "Honestly? No. But if you really aren't interested right now, I guess there's nothing I can do about that, huh?"

Me: "Sad but true. You have a good night."

Michelle and Gloria were cracking up for the next 10 minutes. First, at what I was saying. Second, at the fact that he fit all the things I'd been saying I was "so over'. And third, that he stuck around as long as he did and walked away with a smile on his face.

But at least I got some of my bitterness out.

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