Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Weird Thoughts In The Early Morning

When I woke up this morning, I was thinking about men. Not any man in particular, but the men who've been involved in my life in recent times. Someone such as myself, who actively dates, is bound to experience more toads than princes. Otherwise I'd be in a relationship instead of single.

I can't help but think though about the myriad of ways things have not ended well. I call it a crash and burn. And that's pretty much what happens. You're flying along thinking things are going great. "I like flying," you think. And then a a bird hits your plane and as you're falling out the sky like Wile E. Coyote, you think, "Not Again!"

But me being me, I bounce back after a mourning period. That's how I feel now. I feel bouncy. But I am not going to ignore the lessons I should have learned from the last year. I think I have found a way to learn lessons but still be me.

Lesson #1: Focusing on the positive isn't always the best idea.
I am a person who tends to focus o the positive and give people the benefit of the doubt. Until someone has proven themselves to be full of shit, I try to not assume. But that doesn't work in a courtship because when a man is full of shit, giving him the benefit of the doubt until it's proven for sure just makes me more likely to end up with a broken heart.
Plan of Action: Notice the good and bad just as before, but don't respond by focusing only on the good; give a more balanced reaction.

Lesson #2: Going outside of my comfort zone isn't the end of the world.
I've recently met  guy who I said I wouldn't write about in this blog; he's a very private person. All I'll say about him is that he breaks 80% of the rules I set up for myself. These rules were set up over the last 10 years based on what I felt I liked or didn't like in a guy. But I've recently done away with my rules because they don't gel with my natural open-mindedness. That, however, doesn't change my dependence on my ability to know a good person when I see one, it just means I won't rule a person out based on something outside their control.
Plan of Action: Judge people based on their character, not how they match up to a checklist of what I think I want.

Lesson #3: Sticking to my firm principles is always a good idea.
The example for this one is about the way I make male friends. My male friends are as important to me as my female friends. I can have them in my life without any concerns for how it might affect a future relationship because I make sure that when I decide to be friends with a guy, there isn't some underlying desire. I don't want to date or sleep with any of my friends. That being the case, when an involvement with a man ends and they say, "we should be friends" I always have a negative reaction to that. I was starting to think maybe I was overreacting or just saying no to be spiteful. But I know now that's not the case. If I still see a guy in a  romantic way, we can't be friends. It goes against my principle. I'm not going to compromise my future relationship to keep a guy in my life who wouldn't be there if there wasn't an attraction in the first place.
Plan of Action: No new guy friends, until we've gotten to (or are already at) a point where dating isn't even an option.

Because of Lesson #1, I should be able to avoid the situations I had with PT and with Easy. If I'm paying as much attention to the inconsistencies as I do the things that sound nice, I should waste less time in the future. Because of Lesson #2, I will be more open to someone who may be great for me, even if they are not what I expected. Because of Lesson #3, I should become much better at making a clean break when it's time to walk away.

0 New Hypotheses:

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