Thursday, November 18, 2010

My Week Of Emotional Therapy

My week in St. Louis feels like I signed up to go to Sandals and ended up at some island-based rehabilitation facility.

Except it was emotional rehab. And their treatment of choice for me? Immersion Therapy.

I arrived in St. Louis ready and willing to kick Easy in the head and drive off back to Chicago at the first sign of trouble. But you all know that. I wrote a post about it that you may have already read.

In that post, I relate that I was enjoying my time there, but there was still this underlying uneasiness I couldn't shake.

Things still felt the same, I needed them to feel different. It was hard to explain at first, but I figured it out.

Before, everything felt amazing, but it turned out to not be real. So this time, I needed there to be something different so I could shake my fear of it also not being real.

I wanted things to be real. I wanted him to still want me and only me at the end of the week. I needed the rug to stay under my feet this time. The entire time.

And how do I behave when I'm feeling uneasy? Well, I lash out of course. I picked fights about every little thing I could.

There were moments when I was sure he would be like, "I can't take this shit!" And then I could get in my car and drive home and keep my heart safe.

But Easy wasn't having it. He turned every argument into a lesson to teach me to compromise. I'm not really a person who compromises.

I usually give the other person exactly what they want, or I demand exactly what I want. Better for one person to be fully satisfied that for both to be left unsatisfied.

But Easy taught me to see the glass as half full on compromising. And he took the wind of out of my combative sails.

The dates we went on were fantastic. The only thing that was missing was flowers.

And we talked about lots of things, including our emotions. I don't know what I've done to recently attract men who talk so much, but it is what it is.

Easy wanted to discuss our future. All the way from being in a relationship to being in a marriage. It wasn't a discussion for planning purposes. At least I don't think.

It was more about seeing if we were on the same page about things. I'm pretty sure.

Other things we talked about include: our shared love of music, our shared love of food, our shared love of movies, our exact opposite feelings of at what temperature the house should be kept.

As far as music goes, Easy says that when I play piano for him without him asking, he'll know for sure he has my whole heart. Or maybe just my heart, maybe he didn't say "whole".

Speaking of my heart, or Easy's, he told me he loved me. Actually he said he was in love with me. I considered putting this story into a separate post, but then I thought about how I'd feel if I was reading a post and then I was forced to wait until the next one.

And then I realized that I want it to have its own post. So I apologize for leaving a cliff hanger. I will tell the whole story. In the very next post I promise.

In the next few posts, I'll discuss my other updates from a previous blog post.

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