Tuesday, May 18, 2010

In My 20s Tuesday + Post-It Notes

In My 20s Tuesday is all about things that should matter (maybe) to someone in their 20s. It's about life as we head into real adulthood. It's about laying the groundwork for a life: starting a career, setting up a home, starting a life with someone, etc. It's about things that will affect our lives down the road: politics, current events, pop culture, etc. Well, it's not about all those things at once (that'd be near impossible, lol). But hopefully it will reach someone in their 20s who's looking for someone to feel them and what they're going through. Here goes!

This post idea came up in a very roundabout way. My car radio has been off forever because I left the lights on and had to get a jump and Honda has this security thing where the radio won't work if the power is cut. I've been far too lazy about getting it fixed. But while losing my mind in traffic today I finally called the 800 number to get the code to turn it back on.
Joyously happy to have radio and CD abilities in my car again, I put in my India.Arie CD Testimony: Vol. 2, Love & Politics and enjoyed her music. Even though I put the album on my iTunes, I mostly only listen to it on CD in my car. As I was singing along, this song same on with the line "it heals me just to hear you say 'I love you' ".
Then it hit me. It's been a long time since anyone has told me they loved me and meant romantic love. PT hasn't said it and I'm quite sure doesn't feel it (that works cause I don't love him yet either). This guy I dated off an on after the Ex never said it. The Ex went out of his way to make sure I knew he didn't love me. An ex from high school who popped up a couple years ago still never said it. My rebound guy from Light sure as hell wouldn't have gone there. The last person to tell me they loved me was Light. We broke up in 2006.
It's been four fucking years since anyone has been in love with me. I truly understand why that scorned woman bitterness creeps up along the edges occasionally. I try my darnedest not to be, but it's hard. I'm a Libra for Christ's sake! We love to be in love and I've been very deprived for years now. I'm too young for this shit!
Okay, rant over. But seriously, doesn't that suck? Someone my age who's enjoying life in her mid 20s shouldn't be love deprived. I'm certainly not man deprived. I must be doing something wrong. I can clearly pinpoint what that wrong thing was with a couple of the men. At certain times, I wasn't looking for love, at least not from them. But since that's what I want now, I need to figure out how to balance being open to that with letting it happen naturally.
The last thing I want it to give a Carrie-style speech to PT like the one Carrie gave to the Russian at the end of the Sex and the City television show. That would suck, and be so out of character for me, lol.

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