Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Changing Behavior In Order To Get A Different Result

One of the things I like to pride myself on is avoiding repeating mistakes. But when it comes to men, I'm not so good at that.

I find myself engaging in the same behavior from guy to guy and justifying it by saying that I'm just being myself. It's pretty much true, but there is behavior that is warranted and behavior that isn't. In the past 24 hours, I've managed to avoid two mistakes I tend to do.

*I'm really glad I never done an official post all about the guy I like because now he is we are no more. We had a talk about what we each want and it doesn't match, so we're done. And no one who reads this blog has to try and keep his name straight from the others because he never got a blog name.

*I was contacted today by a guy I used to date. It was a quick friendly conversation that I just let be what it was. I didn't ask how he had been doing, and I kind of didn't care either. No angst about what it meant; it didn't mean anything.

Another mistake I've been making is avoiding thinking about what I want. I used to think of it as going into new situations with a clean slate. But what it really boils down to is me editing what it is I want based on the guy. So today I came up with list (I'm big on lists). It was a list of what I wanted with the guy who's name was never mentioned. That's why we're no longer whatever it was we were until about 5 pm today.

I also made a list of what I want in general, and it was different in some ways that the guy-specific list. So now I have a written concrete version of what I want. And I will not treat the next guy who comes along like he has to fit this list or else. I will use it as a guideline to make sure I'm on track so I don't end up feeling, yet again, that I'm not getting what I want out of a situation.

So what is it that I want?

• I want to just be done looking and already be with the person I want for the rest of my life, but I do realize how unrealistic that is

• I want to be open and completely myself with a man who likes all of me, or at least accepts all of me

• I want romance and intimacy and I don’t want to have to beg to be romanced

• I want a relationship that has no basis on what my family (or his family) think is best for us

• I want to build a what would be a good solid foundation for the future without the pressure and weight of planning for the future

• I want some sort of security so I don’t end up regretting opening my heart, but I know that’s also unrealistic, so I’d at least like the assurance that if something changes, I’ll be told sooner rather than later

• I want open and honest communication without trying so hard to put the best foot forward

• I want that special feeling I get when I know I just love being around a person, it’s part comfort, part excitement, part joy

Is that asking too much? Maybe it is, or maybe it's just that my breath is too funky. I'm gonna go brush my teeth and see if that makes a man magically appear who wants what I want.

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