Friday, October 1, 2010

They Say "A Closed Mouth Don't Get Fed"

"Ask and ye shall receive"

I've always struggled with that thought, though it makes perfect sense. I am almost completely incapable of saying no to a person unless their request is highly unreasonable. And once I've gotten used to a person's wants and needs, I'm able to anticipate them and they have to ask for things less and less. I think that works out pretty well usually.

I have always had trouble asking for things myself, in spite of knowing how well that can work out. When it comes to asking for help from my family, I always feel bad like I should be able to handle things on my own. When it comes to friends, I feel like I'm being needy and taking advantage of the friendship. And when it comes to relationships, I feel like I'm making the guy be someone he's not. I think all of these things when I need/want something, hardly ever when it's someone else doing the asking.

Since I've recovered from my doldrums, I've been back on the road to continual self-improvement. I decided this week my project is to focus on my intuition and to get over myself and learn to ask for what I want. I may or may not write about focusing on my intuition. I'm more interested in the results of asking for what I want.

I am the type of person who likes to spend time with the guy I'm interested in. Some people don't need a lot of face time. I'm not one of those people. I find myself eventually frustrated because I'm not spending enough time with whatever guy holds my fancy at the moment. Top is always asking me if I've expressed to the guy that I'm not satisfied. The answer is usually yes, but it never fixes the problem. I thought guys were the planners and when they saw a problem, they fixed it. Maybe that's true, but just not with my problems. I decided to do things differently this time.

I expressed that I wanted/needed to spend more time together. I didn't wait until I was frustrated. That way, it was more of a casual request that something that had an ultimatum feeling in it. And it seems to have worked out well. Who knew that if you stopped doing the same thing, you'd stop getting the same result? And it wasn't the end of the world to ask something of someone. And I don't feel like I'm asking him to be something he's not.

Now, I'm looking at who else I can ask for something. One change in behavior doesn't add up to a changed personality trait. Perhaps I'll make a special request of my friends to come to my birthday party. Instead of reducing the importance of them being there, I should admit it really kind of matters to me and that I truly want them there. I just have to figure out how to ask in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm being needy.

2 New Hypotheses:

I used to not be afraid of asking for help, but lately I've been really struggling with that. There's at least three people I really need to confront but I just can't seem to bring myself to it.


Asking for help is really hard for some people, but I hope you can get better at it sooner than I can. No, I hope we both get better at it immediately.

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