Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'm Climbing Off The Ledge and Out Onto A Limb

I re-read my post from earlier and to say I was frustrated is a huge understatement.I was frustrated because I finally felt like my head had stopped spinning. Since Easy has popped back up, it's been a whole lot of him talking and saying lovely things and me not having much of a response besides a skeptical look.

I was ready to have an actual conversation. I needed him to explain some things and make sure I wasn't misinterpreting anything he was saying. I needed to let him know that I was still highly skeptical and I wanted to explain the root of that. Not being able to get all that out right when I wanted to was driving me crazy.

Thank God I've been working to have hobbies in place. Today was a day I was super excited to practice yoga. Like always, it was very relaxing. I was able to focus on something else besides my frustration. And when class was over, I had two missed phone calls and two texts from Easy. I'm telling you people, yoga makes life way better.

So, I climbed down off my crazy ledge and Easy and I picked up our conversation. We talked on and off tonight for about six hours. We re-hashed everything. I mean everything. We discussed everything from the time we met up until this evening. It was kind of intense. There was a whole lot of honesty. I said things he'd rather not hear. He said things I'd rather not hear. But I believe everything is out in the open. I know the whole story of what went down with the chick he picked over me in August. He knows the whole story about Leo.

I expressed to Easy how apprehensive I was to trust that he wasn't going to pull the rug out from under me again. And I told him how I was hesitant to even see him. He wants me to come down to St. Louis the weekend of Nov. 12th. But I'm not sure I want to go. At least today I'm not sure. Right now, I feel like waiting until he comes back for Thanksgiving. Or maybe when he gets back in January.

But we agreed to take things slow and see where they head. We really enjoy each other's company and we just vibe. So I'm going out on a limb to vibe with Easy. He told me he will give me time and try to help me along towards getting rid of that apprehension. I told him we'll see.

I don't know if I'm any closer to that healthy happy relationship I want as part of the life I'd like to build for myself. But at least I'm reassured that one of my hobbies is a keeper. Yoga is helping provide me with the flexibility and strength to go out on that limb. That and my endless optimism.

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