And Then There Were Two

I was stressing out last night because I was contacted by Easy who was telling me everything I've ever wanted to hear from a man who is interested in me. But there is so much skepticism because of how horribly things ended between us.

So what could possibly make this worse? The guy who I haven't named reached out to me again today. The conclusion I had drawn that things were over between us because we really wanted different things was apparently not the conclusion he had drawn.

I spent a good portion of my day responding to text messages from both Easy and Leo. Yes, he finally gets a name, and it's going to be Leo. I was having my head spinning and feeling a number of feelings.

I thought things were over with Leo, which altered completely my reaction to Easy. And because I'm still off balance on my reaction to what Easy had to say, I basically had a non-reaction to Leo popping back up.

But this is what I know: I just had a conversation with two men in the last week about the possibilities of our future romantic possibilities. I cannot date two men at once. I would be furious with either of them if they were talking to someone else.

I feel like I should tell each guy about the other. But that doesn't seem like the best idea because I may decide I want nothing to do with Easy tomorrow and then telling Leo would be pointless. Or I could decide the same about Leo and then bringing him up to Easy would be pointless. I'm just so confused.

I want to be in a healthy and happy relationship. Having two men who could theoretically fill that want was not part of the deal. It's one thing to casually date more than one person. It's something entirely different to have emotional involvement with more than one man. I think I'll be able to figure out things more clearly once my head stops spinning. At least I hope.

One piece of good news is that I didn't have a cynical dream last night. I just dreamed about the work I'm doing at church. That work at the church is going really well. If I can ever stop tripping over these men, I can write about that because it is an important part of my life and the life I'm building for myself.

I do feel a bit closer to having the healthy happy relationship that I want. I guess part of me thinks I'll end up exploring the possibilities with one of these guys. Hell, I don't know.

Countdown to the life I want: 3 years, 11 months, 15 days.