Friday, March 11, 2011

Being You In All Situations

Easy and I get into a fight every time I meet one of his friends. It's become a disturbing trend that bothers each of us. After the first Sunday in March, I now know that's something that happens with his friends, not with mine. I'll explain. Saturday night, Easy and I were having an argument in front of one of his friends before the rest of our people arrived at the restaurant. The argument was because of a joke that he made that I felt was disrespectful. It was something I'd never heard him say before and seemed to be a joke between him and this friend. The joke was fine between the two of them, but I didn't appreciate it being directed at me. I accused him of, yet again, becoming this person I couldn't recognize once one of his friends were around.

On Sunday, Easy came with me to church and he got to meet a lot of my people. I think he saw that I'm pretty much me in all situations. There isn't this different version of me that comes out. We spent a lot of time with my people on Sunday. We even had dinner at a friends house with whom I have a love/hate relationship. All of the barbs we trade came out. And none got directed at Easy because I didn't just lump him in with those people. Whether or not I act different, I'm not sure. But I feel pretty confident I was just me.

That got me to thinking about whether it's fair to expect someone to be the same all the time. Easy and I are still new, so we're still learning all the facets of each other. Changing over time is fine, but looking like a completely different person in the presence of some third person is odd, right? Or maybe I'm odd for thinking it's odd.

Easy and I have discussed it. He thinks that there are lots of sides to his personality that I have seen glimpses of or don't know yet. Those different sides come out depending on who he's around. I wonder if he's possibly DID (google it) or just not self-aware or some other horrifying personality flaw that makes me want to run for the hills. I'm not actually going anywhere, but I wonder if it's reasonable that he gets to be this whole other person when around a certain friend.

And why does that person get to say things to me that the Easy I know would never say? I'm still mulling this one over in my head. And I'll definitely be combating feelings of wariness and apprehension the next time it's time to meet one of his friends.

In fact, I was feeling that way when we hung out with a friend of his I'd already met. He was still being this person I didn't recognize. Gotta figure out what that's all about. It's not something I'm okay with, but perhaps I'm over-reacting and I just need to spend more time around him with his friends so I can assess the similarities and convince myself he's not changing fundamental parts of who he is as a person.

2 New Hypotheses:

I know this! And it is a problem. Even my husband who is the most comfortable person in his own skin I have ever known, went through this things where when we were with a certain group of friends, I found him trying to be different, almost like he was trying to impress them or something. Although when we talked about it he denies it, but it stopped after that. So I guess subconsciously he was, and then being called on it, it stopped.
It's not a nice thing to witness and it made ME feel uncomfortable, because I knew he was pretending, or staging or something.
Perhaps mention it if you are comfortable enough to do so, or wait it out. There is not easy solution. In the end it's his decision to act this way, and yours to stick with him while he does so.


Now that I can finally respond to comments... stupid blog html corruption...

This is a problem for sure, and I wish my Easy could just stop on a dime when called out on a big problem. But it's a process with him. And it's slowly getting better. I have official proof that this won't be a lifelong problem. I'm glad you and your husband sorted out your problem too!

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