Tomorrow is the first day I'll be going to church in a long time. This, of course, doesn't include when I went with Easy to his church last week. I'm just thinking of all the time I've spent with Easy where we don't go to church. I've never been to church with him in St. Louis. When he's in town here, I end up somehow not at church.
That's definitely not his fault, it is just making me think. I always just figured church was really important to me. I know going to church was more important to me than the specific tenets of my religion. After all, there was so much important work to be done, specifically outreach to the youth.
But those priorities have shifted. I have to admit that to myself in order to make an accurate assessment of the situation and a plan for the future. Here's what I always thought about myself and church: it was important to me, it was terrible if I even missed one Sunday, doing God's work was part of my life plan, anyone I could consider getting serious with had to agree with those first three things.
I don't think any of that has changed on a major level. But I have to be honest with myself. Church is important to me, but no longer important enough to take priority over the other things that matter in my life. It is not terrible if I miss one Sunday. Even if I miss because I'm sleeping late because I was out (or in) all night doing non-churchy things. Doing God's work is part of my life plan, but likely not the biggest part. And I'm not freaking out that Easy isn't dragging my ass to church every Sunday.
The thing is, I read my Bible more and pray more now that I'm not spending multiple days each week in the church house. I never considered that I was using my church time to get my spirituality on. I took the prayers said by others during service to count as my prayers. I took the scriptures referenced during service to count as my Bible study for the week. It's good to have that fellowship, but it shouldn't replace my personal path.
I'm still mulling this over in my head, but I've definitely got to come up with a new paradigm for how I view church. Here are the things I know to be still definitely true: I want to have my family be active church members (whenever I do have a family), I will be involved in helping the youth of my church on their spiritual paths, and I want to have a private and public spiritual life, not just one or the other.
I'm looking forward to seeing how this all plays out in my mind. I will be thinking on this for a while, excited to see what conclusion I come to. I'm especially hoping I don't land too far from where I started. No need to rock the boat on what those around me consider to be my views on church. Not unless it's really necessary to who I am as a person.
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