Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Story Behind My Asshole Post

Easy tried to help me. He didn't think I was incapable of taking care of business, he just wanted to help. And I snapped. He originally thought I was mad because of something else. The conversation went something like this.
Easy: Hey, here are some tips to help you find a job. [insert tips here].
CeCe: Uh-huh.
Easy: Cough, cough. Sorry for coughing in your ear. I know how you hate that. I know I said I'd go to Walgreens, but I didn't have time.
CeCe: What are you doing now?
Easy: On my way to Blockbuster to rent 2K11 [it's a basketball video game that he loves].
CeCe: Why not go to Walgreens after?

Easy: Well, I have someone waiting for me at my house.
CeCe: You make time for what you want make time for.

Easy: That is true, but I'll go later I promise.
CeCe: Sigh. I'm going to go. I don't want to talk to you right now.
[Insert back and forth about whether it was a good idea to get off the phone right then when I was clearly mad. We end up getting off the phone. Easy calls back in about five minutes.]
Easy: I don't want you to be mad at me. I'm going to go to Walgreens right now.
CeCe: That's not why I was upset.
Easy: [eyes most likely bugging out of his head] Then what in the world got you so angry???

This led to a discussion of why I don't immediately discuss what's bothering me. But mostly, it led to a discussion of what was really bothering me. Easy wasn't aware that I do not like or feel that I need help. I especially resent it when I feel that the help isn't helpful. I felt that way because Easy has never looked for a job in the science industry, he's all music education.

He found my statement hurtful, which led to a discussion of me being an asshole. He didn't call me an asshole (he would never say something that reads as verbal abuse), but he does agree with me that I can be an asshole.

I didn't apologize for telling his his advice was unwanted and probably completely useless. I don't think I will apologize for it. But it raises some interesting questions about whether or not I should change my stance on being helped. And it raises questions about how well I express myself.

I know that emotionally, I'm really cut off and it takes me more time to process before I'm able to have a constructive conversation about it. And even then "constructive" may not be the appropriate term. But the question is what to do about it? And can I fix these things and still be considered an asshole? So many questions.

0 New Hypotheses:

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