So this is Friends & Family Friday!! This is my day to talk more about my friends and family (aside from sharing waaay too much about their love lives on my other blog, lol). My friends and family are lovely people, that much I know for sure. Have fun getting to know them through my eyes.
So, this friends and family isn't about their lives so much as what each person means to me. I have recently made a huge change in my life (I'll talk more about that in a future blog), and it was interesting talking about it with the important people in my life and going through this with them.
Usually when something big happens with me, there isn't a lot of involvement with my people. I may seek opinions about things, but by the time I do that, I've got my mind made up. This time wasn't really very different. I was just so nervous to hear people's reactions, especially my parents. I knew I would hear shock, I didn't know if I would hear disappointment or what else, so it was quite serious.
I was talking to my mother yesterday morning, trying to figure out how I was going to tell her. I couldn't bring myself to do it, so then I had to call Lion and do a test run. But it wasn't a test run to tell her, the test run was telling him and deal with his reaction. I knew that out of everyone, he would have the largest level of honest upfront disappointment. And he was disappointed. One thing that I've cherished about my friendship with Lion moreso than anyone else in my life is our ability to be brutally honest with each other all the time, no apology. Part of that is self-indulgence that we can engage in finally not censoring ourselves. This isn't something I'd even want from my other friends because it's nice to have people who have a sense of self-censoring. For me and Lion, that just works. I made my case with him, and he gave me an honest response that I was glad to hear. After our talk, I felt more confident about the reasons I had to support what was going on in my head and my heart. I was ready to move on to my mother.
I called her back and told her what I had just talk to Lion about. Her initial response was "okay." I was taken aback and sort of just rushed through the rest of my explanation. But that's my mom. I so rarely have possibly disappointing news to share with her that I forgot what I expected her reaction to be. But my mom's great like that. She is very accepting of decisions I make. She knows I don't make decisions lightly and by the time I'm telling her, it's pretty much what it is. She is my mom, so that meant her response was framed through the lens of her religion. She talked a lot about God and the Bible and making sure my decision was really about what God wanted for me. She encouraged me to pray and read my Bible and make sure I was following God's will with this change I want to make. That wasn't a surprise for me. She wasn't too concerned about the details, just that I was doing something that would make me and God happy. She told me to call my dad. He was next on the list anyway, so I called him.
I called him and didn't get a chance to tell him what I wanted to talk to him about, just that I wanted to talk to him about something serious. He had to switch from his cell phone to his office phone. He calls me back and immediately is like, "please tell me you don't have a secret husband." I'm like, whoa! I mean, his sister did do that, but that's not really my style. "Dad, believe me, if I had a secret husband, you'd know because I'd have asked you to do our taxes." That made him laugh and then calmed him down. He freaked out again when I told him what it really was. But unlike my mother, he was all about understanding my thought process. He wanted to know when, why, where, how, and why again. He agreed with Lion that I should take more time with my decision. But he also knew that I tend to make pretty solid decisions and he was kind enough to remind me that no matter what choices I make in life, he's got my back. But then he had to go. My daddy has a very demanding job and his phone was ringing off the hook the entire time we were talking. So I moved on to the next conversation.
I sent Top a message on Yahoo! to tell her that I needed to talk to her, but she could just call me when she got off work.
Then I called Bad. He was at work, but I got a chance to tell him a little bit. He said my voice sounded scary and had him worried so he wanted to see what the basic problem was and then he'd call me back. "I just had to make sure you weren't dying." It was then that it occured to me the serious dread I was feeling in telling these people my situation. But I only had time to tell him the basics, allow him to express his shock and move on to the next person.
I am currently avoiding telling Noni my situation because the change means I can't hop on a plane and go to her baby shower next month.
I texted PT to see if he was available. My text said, "hey, i really need to talk to you about something. we didn't get to talk about it yesterday. can you call me when you leave work please?" Apparently, not the best way to get someone's attention. I know he's usually free Thursday right after work. We usually talk while he's on his way to a meeting at his school's other campues. He calls me and I launch into my story. He interrupts me. "CeCe, you're not pregnant are you?" I was like, again, whoa!!! No, not pregnant I tell him. I take this moment to message Top again to tell her whatever horrible thing she's thinkin I have to say, I'm not pregnant, married, or dying. So back to PT. I figured he'd be a good person to talk to because I trust his judgement and think he has a pretty good grip on who I am. But he hasn't known me for even six months yet, so he doesn't have the emotional investment that the rest of the important people in my life have. We talked and he did a good job of getting my explanation and offering support for my decision. He didn't even seemed fazed about the way the change would affect us. I was actually very glad about that. He focused on my and what this change meant for me. I'm sure the talk about us will come up eventually, but for now it's all good. He just let me know that as long as I was following my heart, I'd be okay because I was a smart driven woman and I'd be okay.
Bad called me back and I explained it to him. He was surprised and expressed his shock but also support. He wanted a full emotional and logical explanation. Before I knew it we had moved from me explaining myself to discussing what comes next. That's why I'm so glad I have Bad for my friend. He's my logistics guy. He's the one who's like "meet me at the drawing board" and we sort out the details/big picture. He's great for that since we see most everything in the same way. Talking things out with him is like talking things out with myself. He's proven that over and over again. This time in particular he impressed me with his ability to do that even when blindsided by my news. He told me that he was proud of me for being brave and he supported me.
I spoke to Top when she got off work and she was also taken aback by my news. She was surprised and expressed her concern that I might be acting rashly seeing as how my news surprised everyone. But after I explained the way I make these kinds of decisions, she got it. That's why I love Top, she gets my reasoning better than most. She understands certain aspects of what I feel and why I feel. We're very different people, but because we're so close, we're able to step into each other's shoes and understand the rationale even when we would've reached a different conclusion. She said as long as I was happy, she was happy.
I feel so lucky that I have these people in my life. Lord knows, having seven people to talk things over with certainly helps cement a decision in a girl's head. And I'm so glad they all went out of their way to express their support. That certainly makes huge life changes easier when I have the support of the people who matter most to me.
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