Medical Mondays

This blog post is dedicated to Medicine. That may include important medical knowledge and developments. It may just be about my life on the path to medicine. Whatever it entails, I hope it's not too dull, lol. If you have any medical questions or suggestions of what to write about, let me know and I'll do it in an upcoming Medical Mondays posting!

Today's post is about the big change I've made in my life that I've been referencing the last couple of days. I walked into the Dean of Medical Education's office today and informed her that I wanted to withdraw from medical school. I decided I was definitely going to do this last Thursday. I waited until today because I wanted to give myself time to let the important people in my life know and lt them try and talk me out of it.

I figured if they could come up with something I hadn't considered, I'd still have time to change my mind. Today was a pretty big test, the first in a long line of tests that wouldn't have been done for me until June 14th. I knew now was the time to get out because I didn't want that stress on me if I was sure I was done being a medical student. Also, there was a time crunch financially. They have given us more money for the summer. This money would be a part of my 2009-2010 financial aid package. I had about 8 days left to figure out whether or not to add another $16,000 to my loans. I decided now was the time to move if I was going to really do this.

I love medicine. I have a passion for it. But I no longer want to be a practicing physician. I've been feeling something like this for a while, but I finally admitted to myself what was really going on. The biggest issue was feeling like I was going to let everyone down who was so invested in my success. But I've got to do what's right for me. And the people in my life who care about me will hopefully decide that my happiness is what's most important.

The question is what to do now? I've already come up with a pretty good game plan that's up for negotiation as things develop. I'm going to finish out my lease in Rockford then move to Chicago. I'm looking for jobs doing clinical research in the Chicago area. I have just over 6 months before I have to begin paying back my loans, and I intend to get a loan repayment readjustment to match my income, whatever that will be. I'm also going to look for part time work with a nonprofit that will allow me to run a program, hopefully with children, where I would be using the medical knowledge I've learned so far. I will also be picking back up some of my hobbies. And as soon as I'm back in Chicago, I'm going to look into getting involved with Big Brother Big Sister.

I still have the ultimate goals of starting my scholarship and starting my free clinic. The difference will be how I'll be working within them now. I'm excited about the possibilities ahead, but also kind of terrified. I've just changed a path for my life that I set out on 10 years ago that had me covered for the next 10 years. But things are different now. What I'm doing takes courage, and a little bit of screw-the-world-ness. But I'm doing it. And since I've made this decision, I've felt lighter and more like me.

I sometimes wish I were one of those people who could talk about things before they're already settled in my mind. It would've helped the people in my life not feel blindsided. But I couldn't do that. I would've felt weak if they knew what I was considering and then changed my mind and decided to stay. That's just the way I work. I had to work it all out in my head first. So, it is what it is. I've made this decision to enter a job market that's unstable at best, but now was the time. I had to do it. Here's looking to the future!