Sunday, April 11, 2010

I Want Someone Who's Going to Notice When I'm Sick

So, me being me, I have a list in my head of things I want in a man and deal breakers. Deal breakers are those qualities/tendencies that when you find them, you run for the hills out of a sense of self-preservation. My list includes things like: chewing with one's mouth open; sinus issues that involve snorting in for 30 minutes in the morning (Lion used to do this all through college, I hated spending the night at his place leading up to a test); having a poor relationship with one's mother; complacency; the list goes on and on. Bad tells me that one of my downfalls is judging someone who has one of my dealbreakers before I know for sure whether I can deal with them having that flaw. Whatever, I say. I know what I can deal with. And thanks to PT, I have added another to the list.

I want someone who's going to notice when I'm sick. PT lives a very busy life. I knew that when I decided I wanted to take the time to get to know him better. He has a very demanding job and a daughter and lots of other things that take up his time. Consequently, there are times when we don't speak as often as I'd like. He keeps leaving me under then impression that this is happening occasionally and once he gets past some point in his life that is super busy, it will get better. But it just keeps getting worse. Each passing moment seems to be him having less and less time to bother trying to get to know me.

I think it really hit me when I woke up Monday with a sore throat. By Tuesday, I was really sick. I speak to PT so rarely that he had no idea I was sick. I'm still kinda sick. He only knows because I mentioned it in passing. I want someone who notices when I'm sick, gets concerned and brings me chicken soup. PT is not in a place to do that. I get that his life is busy, but damn. I can't be with someone who has no place in their life for me. I'm not going through that again. I just went through that with the Ex. I just don't yet know how to handle the situation. I don't know if I should be trying to talk to him in hopes of seeing a change or if I should just give up and walk away. I just really don't think I have the strength to go through this again with a guy...

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